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youre going to think im crazy…

by no name

i dont validate my mental state. i dont believe i deserve it. my life wasnt that bad. it could have been so much worse. why am i so bad off right now? i want to let him rape me. i want to let them beat me. i want to deserve where i currently am. things should be even. i dont deserve my current problems, they outweigh the cause. im weak. i cant handle life.


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Abnormal.Thoughts 4/3/2020 - 5:55 pm

I don’t want to pry but I am curious what has you down right now? Maybe you see other people’s problems that seem bigger than yours, and maybe they are, but you still have the right to have emotions to your problems too.

DOA 4/3/2020 - 6:02 pm

ive always thought that my problems and my past wasnt quite even. that it wasnt that bad so why am i? and the other day i was asking my friend about his life. asking why hes happy when his life could be so much better and stuff like that. his response was “yeah but it could be worse. i just appreciate it’s even like this at all” why cant i appreciate that i wasnt raped? that i wasnt beaten so bad id go to school covering up brusies?

idk i guess its just been getting to me. all i do is think about everything. and dont worry about prying. its nice to get my thoughts out without bothering or upsetting my friend. 🙂

evianwatre 4/3/2020 - 6:54 pm

I understand the feeling..it’s ok to feel this way, nobody is crazy, we all have reasons to why we are feeling this way, I hope it gets better for you

Abnormal.Thoughts 4/3/2020 - 7:44 pm

My best times have been when I’ve had a purpose. If you can find a purpose to work for, something actually obtainable, something that you enjoy or makes you feel good about what you’re doing, maybe you can be happier. It sounds cliche but maybe volunteer for a soup kitchen or support the boys and girls club when society opens up again. I think when we have what we need in life we sometimes feel no direction or purpose, it’s a curse of modern society that we don’t have to seek out our daily needs like ages past.
(I should take my own advice someday, lol.)

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