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Bring her back.

by 15andfuckedup

I don’t want to feel like this. I want the old me back. I don’t miss her but the people around me would love to see her. She was better in everything than me. Just bring her back to life and kill me. She deserves to live. I deserve to die. It’s that simple. Everything would get fixed once she comes back.

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kill_me 5/8/2020 - 3:58 am

Do you mind telling me what happened?

15andfuckedup 5/8/2020 - 5:09 am

Idk. Everything and nothing. I snatched away every good thing from myself and now there’s nothing left. I screwed up every relationship (platonic or either). The people around me are unable to understand the “problem” with me. And all this happened just before I turned 14 (I’m about to be 16 now). I try to remember how this all started but I can’t. All I know is I wrote a suicide note on my birthday and then like a fucking coward, couldn’t jump, and cried all week after that. There are people who have reasons like family issues, abuse, addiction, etc. But I think I don’t even have a “valid” reason that justifies my feelings and thoughts. And so when I look back at the old me, I need her to replace me. I’m a killer. I murdered her. But now I wish she’d just come and take revenge or whatever and kill me and live her life peacefully. Cause I don’t wanna fucking live.

Sbilko 5/8/2020 - 7:50 am

Brother, it feels really bad when one gets heartbroken, especially the first time/s; but it gets better once you search for new girls. The same happens with experience with women: it gets better.

Look up, there’s always hope!

15andfuckedup 5/8/2020 - 10:04 am

Wait, I’m sorry but I don’t really understand whatever it is that you’re trying to say. I’m not heartbroken, like because of a boy. I just want my younger self to come back and replace me because she was better. Also because she didn’t fuck up everything that came in her way (good or bad). And more importantly, she kind of loved herself, her family and all the things that people, in general, love.

Sbilko 5/8/2020 - 12:29 pm

Ohh, okay. I’m sorry for misunderstanding you.

My experience tells me that things aren’t the same, that trying to restore the past leads to disappointment because it won’t be the same. And that, however, we can live on.

You can, however, work on yourself, improve yourself, become a better person, which is wonderful if you think of the limitless potential!

(My experience also tells me that trying to take hold on abstract things too leads to disappointment: counterintuitively, pursuing happiness leads to less happiness.)

15andfuckedup 5/8/2020 - 4:06 pm

@Sbilko Thank you for sharing ur experience, then. Hope it helps someone in here because it’s clearly not working for me. Because tbh you’re not the first person to give this advice. No offense.

Sbilko 5/8/2020 - 7:10 pm

Hi, I’m sorry that it is not working for you. If I can help you in truly any way, I’m always here.

It’s ok! It didn’t offend me at all, thanks for being honest! ^^,

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