Cumulative Moments

It’s rather strange to think about how short yet dense a lifespan is. Relatively speaking, people don’t live that long. It seems like a while, but in reality life is less than a blip in the grand scheme of things. The thing is, it’s oddly dense though. A lot happens in those years. So much happens that it feels like it’s been a long time to us. It’s weird to think that sonething that was important to you a week ago, a month ago, a year ago, a decade ago means absolutely nothing yo you now. I vaguely remeber what it was like to think the world of my middle school crush. At the time she was the smartest, most intersting, most beautiful girl in the world. Now when I think about her, she’s just a name. I feel nothing. When I try to picture her face, her voice, how she acted it’s all fuzzy. It’s odd. I thought that’s how it was going to turn out for a particular person. I thought once I graduated high school and spent some time in college, she would just fade away into being a memory too. Yet somehow she persisted in the back of my head. Granted I wouldn’t think about her constantly, but every now and then I’d somehow mistake a girl on the bus for her. Or i’d be walking on campus and I’d something would make think of her. So when we reconnected last year, I had a strong urge to try and stay connected. I didn’t want her to fade away in my head. So that’s why I tried so hard. However at the time I also felt uneasy. Like I had a feeling it would end up bad. I didn’t care though, and I still tried to remain friends. Now she’s gone and I don’t know if it’s for good. So I’m curious. Will she just be another faded memory down the line. 2 years? 5 years? 10 years? Will I still mistake a woman on the bus for her? I don’t know.