It’s Only Been A Week

I gave up already. That’s what I said. But I can’t help but want to try and talk to her. I haven’t, but the thought is still there. The hardest part about our friendship was that I always felt like she wasn’t telling me the truth 100%. Like when I would ask her “Are you bothered when I call a lot?”, she would always say “No, it doesn’t bother me.”. But I always felt like she didn’t want to hurt my feelings, so she wouldn’t be straight with me. I remember one time asking “Are you annoyed by me?”. Her answer was no, but something stuck out to me. She said if someone annoys her, she simply ignores them. So was she not telling the truth when she said I don’t annoy her and that’s why I haven’t heard from her in two months? Or is she really going through a hard time now and me doubting her makes me an asshole? Is it all in my head and has she told me 100% the truth this whole time? Another reason why I feel like reaching out for the thousandth time, is that she has the personality where she’ll feel guilty about this whole thing and not respond because of it. When she messaged me out of the blue a year ago she said “I’m sorry for coming back”, like it was annoying for me. Of course I told her not to apologize and that I love hearing from her, but it made me a little sad that she felt the need to apologize. So in my mind, I can’t shake the feeling that she’s not responding because she’s embarrassed about ghosting me. I feel like I need to remind her that I’m still here for her no matter what. But I’ve said that a thousand times. Surely she knows by now and maybe that isn’t the reason she never responded. Maybe she really just doesn’t care about me anymore. Maybe she wants nothing to do with me. Maybe I pushed her away with the constant texts and calls. I don’t know. I just hope she gets better.