I really should stop doing it. Every time I open my mouth I hate myself a little bit more.
there i went, fucking stuff up again. i really would be better off dead
friend: if youre reading this ( i know you arent. i dont even know why im doing this. just in case i guess) anyway…
if youre reading this im sorry. you…..i dont even know what to say. i didnt want to. you know that….why am i even doing this. im sure you wont be gone for long. its for the best though. i know you dont agree with me. i know for the past 24hrs youve probably been sitting there worrying. trying to act like everything is fine meanwhile on the inside youve been waiting for my message. something, anything to say im still alive. and i am. for the most part im ok, i guess. as ok as one can get that is suicidal. and im sorry you ever entered my life. i dont regret knowing you. youre an awesome guy and i really couldnt ask for a better friend…but im the problem. i always have been and i always will be. i thank you for protecting me from myself all these years. but thats not your job. youre only young (yeah i know youre older 😛 ) but you have so many years ahead of you. you should be living them instead of worrying about me. you deserve a happier life. a life that im not a part of. a life where you dont have to worry about whether or not im finally going to make the jump. you deserve so much more and thats something i cant give you. i know you look past my flaws, i know you accept my mistakes as a product of my upbringing, i know youd forgive anything, youve proven that…i just feel that you would be happier without me. i know i know you cant forget me. you can at least try, cant you? also you know me i wont be far. and you can message me any time and ill read it. you just wont know i read it and……depending on what it is…..i might even answer. i know you dont mind “putting up with me” but i mind. ill miss you…..and i hope you always remember the good ones.
ps if youre reading this because i sent it to you…..all i can really say is i said it wouldnt be for long hehe 🙂