In the end we all die anyways. The only thing we can control is when and how.
Conversation I had and my thoughts:
Question: How have you been feeling lately?
Unspoken truth: I’m still suicidal, just not drowning in a pit of despair like I was. I don’t feel the urge to jump in front of a semi right now. The sinking feeling has lessened. That’s still better than I was though.
Question: What about the other thing, are you still cutting?
Response: I don’t know.
Unspoken truth: I love the feeling, the pain, and the feeling of relief that follows. The high that I get. I’m probably addicted at this point. I love to see the blood and watching it run across my skin, and sometimes the smell of blood reminds me I’m alive. I need to have some control, this is one thing I can control, and it helps me control my feelings. I don’t even want to stop so let’s just pretend that it’s fine.