Yes I’m Talking About This Again

I’m as tired as you are probably. I still think about her. It’s kind of tiring at this point. I still think about calling her and look if she’s on discord from time to time. Sometimes I wish she would just block my number or remove me as a friend on discord. At least that would get the message across. The fact that she hasn’t done that yet though gives me a little hope that maybe will talk again. I don’t know. Her birthday is in two months. Last year I got her present late, so I couldn’t help myself and have started looking early. We didn’t get to see each other last summer, but since we are both back home (I think, she might have found an internship or be living with her aunt this summer. I don’t know) I was hoping that I could spend her birthday with her. I was thinking of just spending the day with her doing what she wants to do. I know she likes to bake, so maybe I could take her to a bookstore to look at some cook books or something. I don’t know. Maybe a movie if she’d like to. Or maybe we could just hang out in a park or something. This stuff is really killing me. The thing is if she wanted to talk to me, she would have done it already. Or maybe not. Maybe she’s still in a bad place now or she’s too embarrassed about the whole thing. That’s the thing that really kills me. I just want closure. Even if she tells me she hates and never wants to hear anything from me ever again, at least I know. I don’t know anything. I’m tired.