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You have to really want it… suicide

by Rainwatch

When it comes to suicide you have to really want it in order to succeed. I look back on my own biography and the suicide attempts I undertook and I have to ask myself the question “did I really want it? Was my heart really in it? Any man who chooses sleeping pills has really answered NO to those two questions. How mentally ill was I to choose sleeping pills? I’ve paid dearly for that choice and will continue to. I could of avoided ten years of hell but no I had to be stupid enough to go with pills, the least effective method known to man. There can be no fucking around when it comes to suicide, you either go through with it or you don’t. You jump off the sunshine skyway bridge in Florida you really wanted it, you jump off the George Washington bridge in New York you definitely meant business, you jump off the Cillfs of Moher in Ireland you wanted certainty, you jump off Beachy head in England you wanted it 100 percent. But no, not me, I had to be insane enough to choose pills and am now paying the price.

 

 

 

10 comments
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10 comments

here and gone 5/22/2020 - 2:58 pm

Thank you for this honest and helpful post. Yes, half-hearted attempts will only make things worse (personal experience). Those who really want it will succeed, but the rest of us are stuck in a purgatory of indecision and cowardice. It makes me wonder if maybe we should all just swallow the fact that we DON’T have what it takes so let’s make the best of life. Like a half-hearted attempt, endless complaining and self-pity can be just as harmful over time. Thanks again for this post, it takes a lot of guts to admit that you didn’t really want it. I hope you can build off that and maybe accept that life is here to stay, so let’s try to make the most of it.

Rainwatch 5/25/2020 - 6:26 am

@here and gone Many thanks for your thoughtful reply!

sgiksw 5/23/2020 - 4:28 am

Here and gone, I dont think its so cut and dry. There isnt an easy way out. Its very difficult to kill the human body and most methods involve a lot of fear, and fear is fueled by adrenaline which can be a strong blocker of going through with it. I dont think its that people actually really want to be here. Its just VERy difficult to go theough with the act. How much balls Would it take to jump to your death an dnot stop yourself? Think of the frame of mind and physical Condition you would need to be in.

no name 5/23/2020 - 4:34 am

That’s basically my thoughts on the subject. I’ve done so much research that if I really wanted to I could without a hitch. But my disorder makes it “sometimes ok” therefore making it difficult to go through with it.

here and gone 5/23/2020 - 7:54 pm

sgiksw, I think we’re actually saying the same thing only maybe you worded it better. What I call the “purgatory of indecision and cowardice” is exactly the fear element you talked about. I agree, it’s not a conscious choice to stay. It’s the inability to leave. But in either case we’re stuck with life.

Like Rainwatch said, if you really want it, the closest bridge is probably a short drive away. Bridge suicides are nearly always fatal because it’s a triple whammy of blunt trauma, drowning and hypothermia. But who amongst us has the guts to jump off a bridge? Probably nobody here because they’re already long gone. So my point is to swallow the fact that we’re stuck here (until further notice). It’s easy to get yourself killed, but very hard to kill yourself.

CARLOSPEJUAN 5/24/2020 - 2:53 am

I don’t like bridge jumpers. There’s methods that don’t affect others and stop traffic and make such a big scene

no name 5/24/2020 - 10:06 am

Bridge jumpers don’t have to affect traffic. You can pick a bridge where there isn’t any or do it at night when there’s less people out and about. The thing about bridges though is the bridge is always there so that’s more of an impulsive option. My problem with it is if you don’t die… Wow! If you thought your life was bad before you decided to fly. Eeee

_loser_ 5/24/2020 - 5:34 am

I’ve mentioned this before. Suicide only has certain underlying motives, scientifically, and if one doesn’t fit the category of one of those motives, they’re not going to commit suicide. Plain and simple. It’s not a matter of wanting it just because you’ve suffered or been raped or something. People survive those things all the time.

CARLOSPEJUAN 5/24/2020 - 2:55 am

What price are you paying for using pills?

muspelhem 5/24/2020 - 5:46 pm

From what I have heard, surviving jumpers have been fished out of San Fransisco Bay who said they regretted it immediately after jumping.

And I doubt there are many who live to tell the tale.

So it seems likely that you can commit suicide and regret it after it is too late to change your mind.

Hence I doubt that “really wanting it” is a prerequisite.

Furthermore, I don’t think it’s an accident that suicide is often described as a moment’s madness. I think it can be a lethal form of spontenaiety.

After all, have you never felt great in the morning and terrible in the afternoon? Or the opposite? Moods can change your entire outlook very quickly.

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