I want the dream to last.

I can’t afford this rn. Its just not right. I have to do what I have to do. I shouldn’t do what I am doing. I have to be alright. I can’t go back into this. It’s been almost 10 days so now I can’t slide back into that again. I have to stay outside. I must stay outside of it. I can’t let it control me again. I can’t afford to have my head messed up again. I can’t spend hours wishing for nothingness. I can’t afford this at this point. I need to work hard. I have to keep pushing myself. Doesn’t matter if I get exhausted but I have to keep pushing myself. I must not fall back into the spiral. I never came out of it but I was having a nice dream about normality, happiness and life. And now I don’t want that dream to end. I may not like it but I still want to be in that dream forever. Please, don’t send me back into reality. Pls. I can’t. Pls. Just pls.