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by vagabond

Someone made the observation that this place is less of a place to get help and more like a journal for their fucked up thoughts, or a repository if you will, for their suicidal thoughts and the accompanying bullshit.

In the spirit of what they said, I’m just going to give short versions of all the thoughts I wanted to post here over the past couple weeks and ask questions to accompany them instead of taking up space with a bunch of separate posts.


It occurs to me that suicide is the result of a complete lack of inspiration. Incidentally the few people I’ve known who actually committed suicide were easily impressed.

What else is suicide? Besides something like ‘a means to escape’? That one is obvious; we all know that…

I wrote something. I don’t know if it applies or not. “Insanity is inexplicable. It’s digging your own grave to keep yourself level, and if left unchecked, it can result in a near complete capitulation of the self.”

Does that seem true? What do you think?

Another quote from Khalil Gibran. It applies to the suicide of my friend. “Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore, trust the physician and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility.”

At first I admired him for actually having the balls to kill himself, but when I learned of the stupid reason he died, I actually wanted to talk to him. To me this quote is similar to Shopenhauer’s “The more noble and pure a thing is, the longer it is to reach maturity” or however it goes… In short I was trying to tell him that he had a lot of potential and the weight of the experience he cultivated, or the tenderness of the understanding he gained, or something like that, was what was causing him pain. I dunno, if anyone doesn’t understand what I’m getting at with this one, it’s my fault for being lazy/not articulate enough…

Lastly, I wanted to share some music and ask if anyone had ever heard anything “darker”. The songs were Joy Division’s “Passover” and “The Eternal”. The second one is about a kid who was locked in his house his whole life, and when Ian Curtis saw him after 15 years he looked exactly the same and still lived in the same place.

I also wanted to address the elephant in the room for a lot of us who’ve been here for a while: The constant dumbass arguments on this site.

The reason this site generates so many arguments is because being able to generate walls of text without being interrupted makes people power trip since the interaction isn’t going as it would go in real life. There is no cadence, no give and take, no dynamic, and inflection and non verbal things aren’t being communicated. This is why I started ignoring people in internet arguments long ago.

So some delusional people naturally think things are going differently than they really are. We gotta remember that this is the internet, people.

I’ve been here for 7 years and I’ve seen how this site has now fallen victim to tone policing, etc;

It’s kind of annoying.




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darkwillow 6/7/2020 - 4:28 am

This site isn’t a place to get help. What can anyone do but provide words of encouragement or advice? Those who want help can use the emergency contact links at the bottom of the page

This site is really just a public blog for like minded people. People post about the topic of either depression or suicide. This wasn’t exactly what the admins had in mind, but they seem to dont mind it, as long as the rules are followed.

I’ve been here about 7 years as well. I haven’t noticed much difference in posts. And people are free to write what they want as long as it’s within the rules.

no name 6/8/2020 - 2:47 am

Sadly the emergency contacts at the bottom of the page are USA. I had to help a member find some for their country. Being that its online and people all over the world use it (myself included as I’m canadian) you’d think they’d add some more links for people out of their country now that its more known not just Americans use the site.

Abnormal.Thoughts 6/8/2020 - 8:39 am

I have to disagree with suicide being a lack of imagination, not when you have renowned artists like Van Gough committing suicide.

There are other reasons for suicide, some people do it out of anger to prove a point, sometimes it’s related to honor, or love, and sometimes it’s because of an underlying mental illness like schizophrenia and there are voices telling you to do it. I’m sure there are a lot of varying reasons but those are a few off the top of my head.

I agree about the arguments, I am all for a good discussion but when it starts getting heated online it’s best to just stay out of it, they accomplish nothing.

vagabond 6/8/2020 - 5:18 pm

Eh? Thank for posting, but..

Synonyms for Inspiration:

Antonyms for: Inspiration

Creativity also works, but it it’s more of a related word instead of a direct synonym. It’s a versatile word and I meant it in relation mostly to ‘insight’ and the antitheses of inspiration being present in one’s life.

Anything could lead to a lack of inspiration. I’m not talking about a lack of imagination. Suicide in relation to love i.e. losing a girlfriend is a good example, and the suicide of my friend for the very same reason is what inspired me to write that. That’s why I also included that quote by Khalil Gibran, it was related to that. If we’ve got nothing inspiring us to live, why should we go on? And that’s why I included that part about him being easily influenced. He was extra sensitive and that’s why he placed so much stock in his girlfriend, because he did, he drew inspiration from her, and when she left him (she left him for a thousand dollars from her parents), he was living alone in a small apartment without a car, a dead end job, nobody to talk to… A bleak apartment isn’t a very inspiring environment, especially when there’s no one around to talk to, and when your girlfriend left you, well, that’s not going to inspire you to go forward.

That’s why I’m saying when it comes to extra sensitive and easily influenced, naïve people, you have to watch out.

And this is why I asked “What else is suicide” because like you said, some people do it out of anger to prove a point. I wasn’t confining it to being just a lack of inspiration, certainly not that, because that’s just one reason. There may be any amount of things that would lead to someone losing their inspiration to go on, so to speak. I’m kind of taking a step back from suicide and looking at it from a less meticulous perspective and identifying patterns.

So for example what would you call that? Suicide out of anger? Can it be applied to something broader? Like “things not going the way we want them to” for one…

Actually, thinking about this has got me thinking about something someone told me about hermeticism, and got me wanting to write something else as well.

I’m busy right now, but I’ll do that later. In any sense, to whoever reads this please don’t jump to any conclusions about what I’m saying, etc; etc; yada, yada.

Abnormal.Thoughts 6/8/2020 - 8:50 pm

My bad, I read it as imagination, not inspiration. Lol

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