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lame imitation of life

by wasd

almost crying but cant, i feel the tears inside my eyes but wont release them.

anger building up inside me without an outlet, charging me with darkness and dread.

feels like i reek of desperation and just cant wash away the stench.

im all decayed inside and this urge… this malevolent urge to hurt myself extremely –

to obliterate myself and to be done with this… this twisted existence is immense.

theres  always this hellish day and another day and another and another without any mercy..

pain, filled to the brim with it. hate it but cant give it up – its all i got.

detached, alone, incapable of coping or coming to terms with a life not worth living.

the big irony is that us – the poor, the confused and depressed, the marginalized and the sick are the ones that truly wants to live and just cant put up with the charade everyone else is acting in. we wont allow ourselves to be a part of this lame imitation of life, we wont be another character in this poorly directed straight-to-dvd, low-budget “movie” and prefer to be the true modern people of this sad world – the outcasts and the pariahs.

 

p.s

please no preaching and no “search for your path” and no “look inside your soul” crap in the comments.

the words – jesus, god, angels, eternal some-shit etc. etc. etc. are prohibited and not helpful.

thanks

 

 

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7 comments

Usami 6/21/2020 - 9:25 pm

I feel you, this world has gotten crazy even more than it already is. I dont know how to deal with this really. What I say that works as a temporary tool for not thinking about the pain is pure distraction. Sure to give you the advice to just to read a book or play a game is foolish and dumb but it’s all I know really to forget this prison of the minds that i call this world. What helps me is jogging, I do this every 2 days and it really helped me i think. When im gasping for air makes me feel like i really want to breathe and want to be alive even though it hurts. Sorry I can’t help you much. Hope you’re feeling better a bit. My regards.

wasd 6/22/2020 - 3:55 am

Usami – what a wonderful comment and advice! i really wish i was able to get myself to take walks for only the thought of jogging makes me sweat but the one step, the most important step out the door is extremely hard for me to take. the world is a very frightening place for me and going outside (except, sometimes going to work) exhaust me completely..

thank you very much for taking the time to read and to give some good advice. very much appreciated my friend <3

Abnormal.Thoughts 6/22/2020 - 8:31 am

I liked your perspective on the downtrodden being the ones that really want to live.
What would living actually entail though? Can this small group of people change the world we live in and find happiness?

2outof7 6/22/2020 - 8:34 am

Jonestown v2

Abnormal.Thoughts 6/22/2020 - 9:14 am

Not sure what that reference is for? I guess I could Google it but maybe you’ll just elaborate? Lol.

wasd 6/23/2020 - 2:17 pm

i really dont think so we can change anything in this world, not the stigma and not the human condition but i think we can
try standing tall, keep taking those punches and green with our bloody mouths, spit blood on THEM and maybe not die. we should be proud we are not part of the system. not part of the problem although we are not any solution but what appear in the mirror when society looks at itself. much like in “the picture of Dorian gray”

wasd 6/23/2020 - 2:20 pm

BTW – it worked! we didnt get the holier than though. jesus saves bullshit! yessss!

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