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Going soon (within the next months.) Jumping. Who else is going this year?

by cannolongertakeit

And by soon, I mean within the next couple of months if I’m lucky. Because I currently don’t have access to my method. I’m so eager to go. I’ll take several Klonopin before so I’m relaxed, because I’m terrified all the time and I don’t want my last minutes to be filled with anxiety. Who else is dying this year?

I wonder what will happen after it’s lights out. There is no proof of anything either way, no one knows for sure. Some family members of mine have had supernatural experiences. Some people claim that the consciousness ends after death. I don’t know who to believe but it doesn’t matter anyway, I’ll find out, and we’ll all die anyway. Anything as universal as death must be a blessing.

The only thing I’m sad about is leaving my dad. I love him so much. But I can’t cope with the pain of life, for anyone’s sake.

I haven’t lived many years, but it feels like I’ve lived such a long life of pain. I hope death will feel like waking up from a dream, or taking off a pair of tight shoes, or finding your parents after you lost them in a Home Depot.

10 comments
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10 comments

Abnormal.Thoughts 6/27/2020 - 8:55 am

I can’t explain how much you just took my thoughts and wrote them down.
I wish you didn’t have to feel this way, and if you need to vent or anything please do, you can hit me up if you need to.

cannolongertakeit 6/27/2020 - 6:01 pm

Thank you! I’m glad someone could understand. Is there an email I could reach you at? Mine is want2die98 at protonmail. Feel free to message.

Abnormal.Thoughts 6/27/2020 - 9:16 pm

I emailed you. Just in case it goes to your junk mail.

Sbilko 6/27/2020 - 1:40 pm

Please reconsider your choice, please think thoroughly about why you want to take your life, and whether truly nothing can be done about the causes of you wanting to take your life. There is so much to live for.

Death comes to all of us sooner or later, so why not search for answers while we’re still alive? You have only one life, it’s totally worth it to consider all the choices to the fullest extent.

Sbilko 6/27/2020 - 1:41 pm

I mean, when it comes to considering how to make the best use of the limited time we have.

cannolongertakeit 6/27/2020 - 5:55 pm

I have considered this for years. I don’t want to be alive.

Thorium 232 6/27/2020 - 10:55 pm

I understand your pain and what you’re going through. I went the same thing that you’re going through, but please all I ask is that you reconsider because when I almost took my life I did it because I truly believed that I deserved to die after screwing up with a friend. But one of my other friends reminded me that we all make mistakes and that we all have something that we can live for, so if you have no else to live for then live for yourself because regardless I will miss you if you kill yourself.

cannolongertakeit 6/28/2020 - 12:07 am

I’m sure, but thank you. I really appreciate the kindness.

Hazy Day Sunflower 6/28/2020 - 6:26 pm

I thought of it this morning. It would be easy. I have a med stash as deep as my arm. But I promised myself that wouldn’t be the way to go. Not reliable enough. This morning was pointless. I sat and thought, there is an pit filled with sand inside me that never empties. Sometimes it rains and I grow flowers and forget the sand is there. But Ultimately the sand never leaves.

So yes, this morning seemed like a find day to leave.

cannolongertakeit 6/28/2020 - 10:22 pm

I considered using my collection of medications as well, but overdoses aren’t reliable so I can’t. I wish so badly they were. I failed my first attempt which was an overdose.

The sand never leaves for me either. It’s always there.

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