One of the things I hate the most is how hypocritical he can be. And one of those things that piss me off the most is how he always fucking says “everyone has mental problems” so I confronted him on it one day and he said “no I don’t have any problems” but it’s not just that he says it. It’s how he clearly shows signs that there is something wrong. Or how he says or does things without thinking ALL THE FUCKING TIME. like this one time he said that (in general) you’re weak if you can’t quit drinking and still have the occasional one. LIKE WTF DUDE!!!! I’M A DRINKER NICE TO KNOW YOU THINK I’M FUCKING WEAK. Or his negativity. I hate this and I’m gonna ***** about that. I swear that’s all he fucking knows how to do. Or the sexual jokes he makes to me. No. It’s not something small and funny like “lol that looks like a dick” it’s direct “jokes” about me. Like “my dIck would look nice shoved down your throat” AND HE FUCKING GOD DAMN WELL KNOWS I HAD PROBLEMS WITH GUYS AND THAT TYPE OF THING. I also hate how I’m always wrong even when theres clear proof. Like this one day we were up on this street and going into this subdivision and I said “there’s the house were going to” “no it’s not that’s another street” so I pull up Google maps on my phone YET STILL I’M FUCKING WRONG. Honestly I fucking hate talking to him. I feel like my opinions don’t matter. I feel like I have no freedom. I WANT OUT!!!! I hate how if there’s one small change he thinks it’s “weird”. Like holy fuck dude chill out people don’t order Amazon every day. The world isn’t out to fuck you over. Not only all of this but his dislike for therapists and shit FUCKING PUT ME HERE!!!! He didn’t want me going to see them. He didn’t want me “hopped up on drugs” well guess fucking what!!? Now I need them or else I’m probably going to kill someone or myself so thank you for not listening to me the multitude of fucking times I told you I was getting worse. Or like how he can’t pick up after himself. I made it very clear that I will be fine with the housework as long as you help me out a little. Like don’t walk around the floor with dirty shoes. Well instead of asking me or finding it himself he starts throwing garbage in a box in the fucking hall!!! And you know who’s gonna have to clean it? ME!!!!! Or like yesterday I handing him the toilet paper. You’d think he’d bring it down to the bathroom for me huh considering I was busy. NO!!! HE FUCKING LEAVES IT IN THE HALL WITH THE GARABAGE HE’S LEFT. I FUCKING HAD TO PUT IT AWAY.
I tried talking to him about it. I’ve tried talking to him about a lot of things and its always the same “I’ll change I’ll change. It takes time but I’ll change” WHEN!!!? WE’VE FUCKING BEEN TOGETHER FOR YEARS! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO CHANGE!!!?? He doesn’t talk to me. He isn’t honest with me. He doesn’t do the basic of things.
I keep telling myself. Just wait until you get him moved into the new place. Save up some money. Move out. Then get your own job. I’m sorry husband but no matter how much I love you I can’t be happy with you. You are the cause of my stress.
Which brings up another thing. When we first got together HE FUCKING PROMISED if he was a cause of my problems he’d leave me. Well I stated that he kept me from getting better and he causes me heaps of stress YET YOU’RE STILL FUCKING HERE. I should leave you just based on the fact that I clearly can’t trust you.