while within the whirlwind the pain was so immense i sought peace and quiet –
even that of a grave i thought for no logic alternative came to mind…
now as the storm has died down i gather all the remaining bits and pieces –
and as usual i lose some every time.
now indifferent to the lost i automatically try to piece it all together –
that it will somehow resemble a human being, a man.
trying to make this man shaped thing look like what i once was,
just the appearance will do, i guess..
this glued together pieces aren’t too bad, i think but hardly my best work –
the beard is grayer and the circles around the eyes are blacker,
its smile looks like a line slightly rounded at the edges almost stick figure like.
now that the pain subsided the real danger comes lurking about in the shadows –
now there’s this false sense that this human shaped something i pieced together
is me and that it’s alive. it thinks it have wants and needs. it hopes –
and it scares the bejezus out of me. and what or who exactly am i?
who the fuck knows? not me, that’s for sure.
maybe i lost my mind a long time ago or actually dreaming,
living inside an unending nightmare.
this numbness that turn to fear unexpectedly and vice versa are not pleasant. not one bit..
maybe i should destroy the thing before it gets its hopes high..