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Making self-harm known

by velveteennightingale

I need input about telling loved ones about self-harm/self-harm scars.  Did it generally make you feel better/worse?  Keeping it a secret for literally 8 years or so has been so toxic but I also feel so, so scared to share it.  And keeping it secret has stopped me from being in a relationship because I don’t want to be seen as crazy or unstable or have someone stop being attracted to me once they see the scars.  Also, I wanted to wait to share it with family until I could say it was long behind me but since I’ve had some recent relapses, I can’t do that.  General reactions to it?  Was it worth it to not harbor this awful secret any longer or was it not worth it?

9 comments
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9 comments

Abandoned 6/25/2020 - 3:16 pm

as long as you trust them and you feel comfortable around them, then i see know harm in telling. of course the reactions will differ depending on the person. one of my exs would take my blade and get upset with me. while another simply just hugs me and reassures me. it really depends on you and the other person.

Rainwatch 6/25/2020 - 3:33 pm

You have as much right to a relationship as the next person out there. My experience has been both parties exchange frailties, fragilities etc and that builds a kind of safety net for intimacy to develop. If he/ she doesn’t accept you as a package warts and all its their loss, find someone else, there are a lot of good people out there. I’ve worried about crazy shit in my time when it came to relationships ” what will she think about this?” ” What will she say about that?”, and all those fears turned out to be unjustified, it was simply my mental illness trying to deny me a relationship, and if I’d listened to that mental illness I would of never had a relationship, I sought advice from others and they all said the same thing namely the fears were unjustified and I was just gonna have to take that leap of faith and tear down the wall I had built around myself and expose myself to the other person. This advice turned out to be correct.

velveteennightingale 6/25/2020 - 4:02 pm

Thanks guys :)) this makes me feel better about sharing it. Do you have suggestions on how to mention it? I feel so anxious about it

Abandoned 6/25/2020 - 4:15 pm

i wish i knew what to tell you but i dont remember how i told my bf at the time and everyone else found out when he decided to stop keeping my secret.

if i had to give advice though. it would be the same way you tell anyone else something important and you talk alone and try to explain and answer all their questions. if they dont do it themselves they might be confused as to why you do. from the outside looking in, it doesnt seem like a very smart idea nor does it seem helpful.

muspelhem 6/26/2020 - 5:24 pm

You could say you worked at a mozarella factory and your arm got stuck in the grater. But seriously…

Humor can sometimes defuse a serious topic.

Abandoned 6/26/2020 - 5:42 pm

im using that the next time im asked about my cuts XD XD XD

muspelhem 6/27/2020 - 12:37 pm

Swell 🙂

all or nothing 6/25/2020 - 6:58 pm

It sounds like you’ve decided to open up about it so I wish you luck, and I won’t tell you about my experiences. Let’s just say they were bad. I wish I had kept it to myself, or sought objective 3rd party support, rather than including the people close to me into a private hell which they couldn’t possible understand, and didn’t.

Rosesareblue 6/28/2020 - 5:06 am

The first people I told about my self harming was my ex-best friend. I wasn’t open about my suicidal tendencies but I told her because I thought I trust her, but sooner I heard her talking about it to one of her other friends and she was like “I don’t care, she can do whatever she wants, she wants to cut herself then let it be” and I can’t tell you how much it hurts me, I told her because I trust her and i wanted her to help me but I guess some people would never understand the pain we are going through. Even my mom, when she found out she said if i was that stubborn i could just die like the weakling that i am. if you plan to tell about your self harm scars I hope it would go on well :))

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