It’s a terrible terrible thing that will never become better, since a very young age i had too start coping with something that happened to me an iv kept it too myself until only a few months ago where I ended up telling a police lady about it, nothing came about it though she tried helping me but all that happened was I got taken too a mental hospital an when I got there I was very scared too explain what I had said too the police lady that i know personally an trust at the time there were bush fires going on in Australia an the mental health unit couldn’t fly in proper specialist for me too talk too so I ended up failing myself an going silent again after a week an a half I was back home thinking about everything I had just done,
Now months have passed an I just think I’m hopeless with nobody too go and see or talk too iv tried committing suicide a few times with overdoses an once stood on my computer chair for 45mins wanting too step off but just couldn’t all I keep thinking about is doing it again just too see if I can do it this time,
Before I do so I want too go to my GP one more time one of the only other people i think i can trust in my life that won’t say anything if I tell him what has happened too me when I was younger I just want him too understand why it’s been so hard treating me as a patient over the many years of my crazy manic panic attacks self harming an selfishness an all the other stupid things iv said too him an done its crazy too think iv kinda just lied my whole life too everybody about why I always feel so sad an depressed an why I’m such a anxious person.
Iv never had a girlfriend or any kind of companionship in my life it’s said too think when I actually do die my life was ruined all because of self hatred an me not having enough courage too speak up sooner.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
4 comments
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, I hope you at least give yourself a chance to talk about it and work through it before you try again. You can share here if you’re comfortable doing so, the community here is surprisingly helpful and non-judgmental, but this isn’t your first time here, you probably already know that.
How is everything going with your family and work?
I don’t talk too any of my family, work has dried up I really wanna move but I have absolutely nobody I know anywhere else, I have a tiny group of people I know in my small mining town I live in. I’m very much a recluse I never go talk too them though just stay in contact through the internet. I wish I new an easy way where I can try get an apartment in a new town but I just don’t know how it would turn out if it even happened I’m very shy an scared of things like new places but that’s the only hope that keeps coming into my mind “MOVE” idk I really don’t know
Things can happen in the course of a life that creates a mental burden and leads someone to become depressed and suicidal. You seem to have reached a point where keeping quiet is no longer an option. I feel speaking to your GP and allowing him to understand you and sending you to a specialist who can help is the best thing possible, getting your mental health issues stable is important before other things like moving. You were strong to talk previously and it’s a shame you weren’t able to proceed but you can be strong again. Your future is to move on from the family home and this will come about in due course and will help long term, something to keep in mind. It’s good that you want to try and find a way forward, it’ll be difficult, one step at a time. As you say, if you died from feeling self hatred and the inability to speak out about it then that would be truly sad. You are worth more than that, you can come to terms with anxiety and the depression with help. As you’ve done before, post here to put your frustrations into words, it’s a kind community here.
OMG!! nias! You still exist!! Holy lawd im so happy! Your one of the most amazing people iv ever got too talk too back in the day from my them dark times I honestly can’t believe you of all people replied!
The only reason I wanna talk too my gp is because if everything iv put him threw like if I just tell him what’s happened too me an why iv always been depressed I feel like I’ll at least give some closer too why iv always been suicidal since iv met him he’s tried so hard too help me but iv never opened up to anybody other then this police officer a few months ago,
An I haven’t lived with anybody for years now iv been very much a longer/recluse since 2015 I wish I did have family I could have went too all these years about my problem but family has something too do with it so I could never speak up.