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Mr. ScareCrow

by CARLOSPEJUAN

I feel like now that I’m not physicaly depressed I’m getting emotionally depressed.Iused to be incredibly sad all the time. It used to be that for some reason, somehow, I just did NOT want to live. I just wanted to die. That is no longer the case, but now I’m starting to face reality and that is getting me depressed. I’m poor, my parents won’t live forever, I’m schizophrenic, my memory is terrible, my social skills are bad, I’m kind of retarded and I’m gay (that last one is only bad for me personally due to certain circumstances in my life that made being gay suck a little I know It could’ve been worse). So These realities are hitting me like a ton of bricks because I’m trying to get out of a bad situation and I need to help others on the way, but I honestly don’t know if it’ll happen. I’m taking steps towards it, but again IDK if it’s possible. My mind now shattered, now broken, lies in the care of itself. Isn’t that Ironic? Anyone who can and would take care of me is so far away. ANd I chose to stay here in order to study. I wonder if this will pan out. I wonder if I’ll make it. I’m trying o hard, but IDK if it’s going to happen. This pandemic makesit harder for me. I wanted physical classes. I neededto be able to witness my teacher and be able to stay after and ask stupid questions that he already gave the answer to. But, no. It’s all online now. I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I’m scared. I’m trying to create a support network here, but as an adult that is incredibly hard. Especially without school or group therapy to attend. I feel alone. I feel weak. Seeing this, the state of the world and the riots is making me sad. I’m feeling a little down and this time with reasons. How unfortunate

 

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