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hello darkness my old friend

by Never Was

I was being prepared for surgery and while in post op getting prepped with the IV’s I silently prey, hope, ask for, beg, to simply go to sleep and not awaken. I just want this to stop, be over, no more, kaput. I simply give up. My only debacle that haunts me is that when that “no more” is true I wont know the joy of this being over. So be it. Off please. I just cant get a grip anymore. I give up and i’m done.


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Once 7/4/2020 - 2:59 am

Sounds of silence….

I often hope that my experience dying will allow me a few moments to process THAT I’m dying, right now. I can’t imagine what it is like to be present in that experience. And, if like you say, the possibility exists that there will be no awareness that it’s happened and all that was is now gone…it would only be fair to bask in a few seconds of awareness that it is coming to an end.

Best of luck to you.

Abnormal.Thoughts 7/4/2020 - 8:42 am

Good luck on your surgery if you come out of it.

That would be a nice way to go, but I can see how that would be a little unsettling, that even if you die it’s just over and you aren’t even aware that your happy it is over.

This really makes me upset with the world for not allowing doctor assisted suicide. How many less violent deaths or failed attempts would there be if everyone could go and pay for their peaceful exit ahead of time? Just drive in like an appointment and say goodbye. We just need the living population to agree. Lol

seemokay 7/7/2020 - 12:49 am

I remember once a whole back I had to get some sort of procedure done to see why I kept having problems & I was in the hospital & before the procedure they had to put me to sleep I honestly felt when the anesthesia hit but then I don’t but then I remember it being the best feeling ever before they did that I hoped I didn’t wake up but I did &was so upset I woke up

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