Last night I picked up a bottle of pills and poured all of them in my mouth, there was about 40 in the bottle. I didn’t swallow them because I still have things I need to do before I can end my life, but in that moment I realized how easy I could end it. I was always scared to kill myself because I thought it would be difficult I didn’t know what to do. But when I put the pills in mouth I realized I could just go ahead and swallow them and end it now. I’m not as scared as before because now I know how quickly I can take the pills and end it. I don’t know if what I’m saying even makes sense but it brought me some peace to know that maybe it won’t be as hard to die as I thought.