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Ending it

by alwayslonely

Last night I picked up a bottle of pills and poured all of them in my mouth, there was about 40 in the bottle. I didn’t swallow them because I still have things I need to do before I can end my life, but in that moment I realized how easy I could end it. I was always scared to kill myself because I thought it would be difficult I didn’t know what to do. But when I put the pills in mouth I realized I could just go ahead and swallow them and end it now. I’m not as scared as before because now I know how quickly I can take the pills and end it. I don’t know if what I’m saying even makes sense but it brought me some peace to know that maybe it won’t be as hard to die as I thought.

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5 comments

Sbilko 7/30/2020 - 6:41 pm

Please, reconsider your choice: there are so many wonderful things to live for, life is such an amazing gift. Many people have been in your situation, and yet have come out of it and are grateful that they didn’t take their life at their worst times.

It’s easy to take it, that option is always within your reach. So why bring it before its time?

Love, Love in one’s heart, I wish we people could feel it more — the same Love that a child has, the curiosity to explore and discover, the joy

sgiksw 8/1/2020 - 2:11 am

Shilko, some have experienced great things but can no longer afford to. It takeS money to explore and do what one truly desires. Always lonely, good thing you didnt take pills, its one of the least successful ways to kill yourself. And you’d prolly have ended up either in the psych ward or with a nasty hangover. Its very difficult to succeed. Please do a lil more research.

muspelhem 8/1/2020 - 7:26 am

You’re wrong. OD’ing on pills is neither assured, nor easy. If you “succeed”, you die in excruciating pain as your organs fail, one by one, over the course of several days. All the doctors can do for you is try to make you as comfortable as possible. If you fail, you might: a) projectile vomit (trust me, not a pleasant experience), or b) irreversibly damage your organs, which also sucks.

In summary, attempting suicide by overdosing on pills is an extremely misguided decision.

torimandy 8/1/2020 - 9:25 am

I’m going to try not to go deep into method with this warning. A lethal dose of my last attempt was 300 mg . I did everything by the book to assure my body did not reject them, before swallowing 1830 mg. You do the math. I woke up 16 hours afterward and cried for two days as it didn’t work. The heartbreak of failure just adds to everything.

Soda 8/1/2020 - 12:37 pm

I concur with the others, the drugs that used to be highly effective for suicide like Nem have been taken off the market thanks to the fascist scum in power who think they know what’s good for us.

To them forcing people to suffer and die in slow, horrible, painful ways is better than a quick, safe, painless death like the kind they give to their old pets.

Despite that you should do your research, there are still excellent methods (which we can’t discuss here) that can allow you to end your life.

Most of us here have been where you are. We’ve seriously contemplated or attempted suicide at some point so I understand where you’re coming from.

But don’t let your suffering and pain cloud your judgment and cause you to make any hasty decisions. If you botch your suicide you could end up ten times worse than you are now.

In my case I keep my body as healthy as I can for obvious reasons. If you can’t function physically, then you won’t be able to end your life at will. At the same time I’m preparing for my eventual death.

Mind you the idea of actually committing suicide was not something I took seriously for a very long time. However in my present situation I’m in a mediocre job and I live with my elderly mother.

If she should pass away soon then I really don’t have anyone else in my life. Plus I’ll drop from a dual-income to a single and I live in an expensive city, so I’ll just be barely scraping by if that happens.

The rest of my family members are selfish, rotten scumbags who won’t be there for me so basically I’ll have no reason to live any more. But I don’t actually mind, the things that used to interest me in life, no longer do.

So once my mother is gone there won’t be anything to tie me here any more. Also being in my late 40s, I completely figured life out. If you have a lot of money then you can enjoy living, if you don’t then it’s just a meaningless, miserable grind.

Not to mention when you are on the lower-income brackets, you get shiit on by people who have better incomes. Why put up with the humiliation? It’s just better to accept defeat and bring a bad life to a close and you’ll finally be free.

However I should add in my case it’s not all doom and gloom, I am working on something to put me in a higher income level and if I succeed (and I believe I will), then I will be able to enjoy life so ofc I’ll keep living.

If I don’t then I can die with the satisfaction of knowing that at least I tried. I’ve chosen to go with inert gas. Acquiring it will take some work but it is not beyond reach.

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