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by Jefkoop31

This is to anybody who give a fuck!

All my life i’ve felt like i don’t belong.  Starting as far back as I can remember i’ve been a loner, not by choice. I had one friend before i was 10 but then i moved away and lost contact with him. Then in my teens i had one good friend who went and died in a motorcycle accident. That was when i was 16 yrs old and now i’m 47 and only have one friend who actually calls me. All the rest of my acquaintances are just that, acquaintances! A little more about me. I’m an alcoholic who only drinks occasionally now, but when i do its binge drinking. I usually want to die when i drink, during and after. Back in 2013 i ended up in the ICU with alcohol poisoning.  After that i ended up homeless. I couch surfed for a while at acquaintances houses but they either got sick of me or i just felt bad asking anyone. So I ended up in the city sleeping on sidewalks and begging for change. My life was literally in the gutter. After a couple suicide attempts that obviously failed, no surprise! The Department of Mental Health in my state took my case and i ended up in there system of shelters,  group homes and halfway houses. Now i’m in my own apartment with DMH services. I have a nurse that comes daily to dispense my Medications. I can’t even be trusted to do my meds on my own because i have a history of overdosing on them. I take 13 different pills a day, I feel like a zombie.  Suicide is always on my mind. I can’t hold a job so i’m on disability. Anyway I guess what this is all about is that I’ll be gone when you are reading this. Good luck to y’all in this fucked up world!


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bpd_coaster 7/30/2020 - 11:00 pm

Don’t give up.

It’s never too late to make a positive change in your life.

Reach out to people.

I hope this message finds you well.

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