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going to kill myself

by wasd

i don’t know why i’m writing here. there is no hope for me. none.

i’ve been contemplating suicide for many years but never had the guts nor the impulsivity needed to do it. all i hope in life is for death to arrive swiftly and painlessly if possible. i plan on jumping from a high building but my brain is so foggy i might not gain access so easily as i thought i would so plan B is the good old hanging, wish i could jump hang myself but i’ll probably fuck it up. i am really afraid of just damaging myself, i especially fear brain damage but i have to do it, it’s the mission of my life. i cant bear another day, not even an hour it seems right now. i’m suffering deeply for the better part of 40 years! my life are not worth living and the pain is sharp and constant i think i have the moral (fuck morality though) right to forfeit “life”. i’m surprised i wrote here. maybe it’s a pathetic call for help but i’m done. if only i would have the balls to follow through with this plan and if i’m completely honest i very much doubt it, unfortunately.

painful and teary,
Jonesy

4 comments
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4 comments

imissyou 7/21/2020 - 1:15 am

Hello Jonesy,

I’m sorry to hear that things have not been going very well for the past 40 years. If you would like to elaborate on that, I’m sure people would listen and hear you out. If there is anything I can do for you, let me know. Hope you are still alive!

wasd 7/21/2020 - 2:58 am

hi love,

i am still here unfortunately. it’s hard – this life but i’m so passive it seems too much of an effort to do the deed.
i’m all talk and a false alarm sort of a lad. :\

btw – thanks for your words, there is no one willing to talk with me – not even in this inter web

Monster 7/22/2020 - 7:36 pm

I’m honestly so glad you’re still here! I honestly really wanted to comment on this post when I originally saw it on the 19th, but I stopped myself.

keter666 7/21/2020 - 7:21 am

hey jonesy,

i hope you’ve found somebody to talk to, but if you still need it, id be really willing to talk with you – just give us a shout and I can post my instagram or discord 🙂

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