i don’t know why i’m writing here. there is no hope for me. none.
i’ve been contemplating suicide for many years but never had the guts nor the impulsivity needed to do it. all i hope in life is for death to arrive swiftly and painlessly if possible. i plan on jumping from a high building but my brain is so foggy i might not gain access so easily as i thought i would so plan B is the good old hanging, wish i could jump hang myself but i’ll probably fuck it up. i am really afraid of just damaging myself, i especially fear brain damage but i have to do it, it’s the mission of my life. i cant bear another day, not even an hour it seems right now. i’m suffering deeply for the better part of 40 years! my life are not worth living and the pain is sharp and constant i think i have the moral (fuck morality though) right to forfeit “life”. i’m surprised i wrote here. maybe it’s a pathetic call for help but i’m done. if only i would have the balls to follow through with this plan and if i’m completely honest i very much doubt it, unfortunately.
painful and teary,