i have been trying to understand why am i such a bitter, lonely, negative and so miserably hopeless – trying to understand why and when did i get like that.. the first thing that i think crushed me was being rejected at a young age and equally so the fear of being rejected in the future – it stayed with me all of my life. funny thing is when i was a teenager i had some good friends but as i became more and more depressed all of my fair weather friends shunned me as if i had leprosy or something. i always came to my friends help and loyalty was a point of pride for me. in the following decades i had made some friends but i had trust issues and only one person showed me the kindness of loyalty, sadly he had moved to the UK and we whatsapp once in a while. with the ladies i never had much luck either, my troubled childhood and the fucked up way i was brought up made it impossible for me to be in a loving or intimate relationship without being terrified of being abandoned or rejected. the last time it happend to me (being rejected coldly and without warning) i couldnt take it and turned to drink and drugs – 7 years later i am still addicted to narcotics and have not one friend in this world. i believe rejection and abandonment (real or perceived) are the root causes for most of the social misery we are all suffering from or maybe its just me. this modern age with all of the social media had turned us into egocentric, disloyal and immoral beasts.
“Homo homini lupus” its latin for “Man is wolf to man.”
thanks for reading,