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I apologize

by oj1nDfKAHz

I want to say that I am sorry. I am sorry for being (apparently) a privileged white person. I am sorry for being gay, I am sorry for being a pathetic jobless slob. I am sorry for being a worthless depressing Brony.

I am such a worthless horrible person.
My entire family hates me.
I am in debt to my mother (currently 5K outstanding)
I am currently in debt to my government for further education/s (2 diplomas (that are essentially worthless now)) (currently about $90k outstanding)

I was abused by my father on Monday (6th of July) for being a worthless jobless slob. even though I am doing voluntary work and job training stuff. nothing matters apparently unless it is “paid” work.

I have calculated that by near the end of next year I am going to be out of debt to my mother (I know that I should be happy about that, but sadly, I am not)

When I am finally out of debt, I am going to organised a pre-paid funeral plan thing, and once that is paid off, I am going to commit suicide….

As bleak as that is. the only thing that is keeping me here is my obligation to pay my debt off to my mother.

When I am not doing my voluntary stuff and job training, I am either hurting myself, being yelled at or heavily drinking.

Again, as I said earlier, to everyone that knows me, everyone that reads this, please understand that…. I am deeply sorry, hopefully my death in due time would be enough to make things right.

I am sorry.

-one worthless human (or what ever you want to call me, preferably something mean and hurtful)


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Abnormal.Thoughts 7/10/2020 - 11:38 am

Being a brony is nothing to be ashamed of and neither is being gay. If anything the people that can’t accept you how you are should be ashamed of themselves for being so narrow minded.
You seem like a responsible young man who has a lot of experiences to go after. There are conventions for people that are bronys and a lot of support to be had from the gay community too, you are not alone, many people share your interests so don’t let those that don’t understand make you feel bad because they don’t get it.

oj1nDfKAHz 7/10/2020 - 5:09 pm

Thanks for your kind words, about the brony fandom, I used to be a active member of the fandom. Until I stupidly made a joke regarding one of the most popular people in the fandom.

They ended up seeing this joke and didn’t like it, so they basically went on a campaign to dox me basically.

And they basically were successful I am an out cast to the fandom.

Even though I deeply apologized for my stupid joke.

It’s another thing that I hate myself to this day.

I personally only have one true friend and that’s the alcohol.

I can’t remember if I mentioned this but my father gave me severe PTSD for being gay.

As on my 18th birthday he physically assaulted me when I decided to come out. He gave me a black eye and grazed my hands and knees from throwing me down a flight of stairs.

I was kicked out of the house for a week.

The school I was going to was concerned about my health.
I also failed a few of my exams at that point as well. As I didn’t have the required equipment for the exams. (Pencils, calculators ect)

I also was sent “home” after day 3 to the end of the week, as I smelt horrible.

To this day I blame myself for coming out and I hide basically everything about my life.

Being an it professional (well dreaming to be, I have encrypted and hidden folders on my computer of the things that I “like” (wink wink) where as I have fully viable normal “stuff” (wink wink)

As I’m not allowed to have a password on my computer/s

I hope your day / night is going well
Please take care

As for me I’m going to go drink some more and hate my life some more.

Bye Bye, thanks for reading my rant.

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