its me again

fuck man its been like what a year? half a year since i last posted? crazy shit i almost felt better for a bit. shits been annoying man, i cant fuckin pass a year at school and i dont have a job so im not really doing anything except getting yelled at and told off for nothing. my parents basically are just sick of me and since the divorce they dont have eachother to shout at so im basically my mum and my dads verbal punching bag, which kinda sucks. plus all the gyms are gonna close down and my dad relies on his boxing to get his anger out and when he cant do that hes gonna give me and my little brother hits whenever he feels like it, which kinda sucks. i started seeing some psychiatrists and therapists about the whole seeing murderous visions thing and they seem to be pretty chill with it. i actually went and told my mum about it too after 5 years of dealing with that.
big fucking mistake my mum has no idea how to process that kinda shit and she loves talking and blabbing on about whatever, thats just how she processes. but i told her not to tell anyone so she isnt having a good time. i took truffles last year and that stopped the visions up untill recently though, or at least i think thats what stopped it maybe im imagining the whole fucking thing maybe none of what is happening in my head is real maybe im not even ill and other people are just better at hiding it.
also everyone around me sucks.
oh and i broke up with my girlfriend because i cant show affection or love or whatever and she deserves better.
and my weed habit got worse
i probably sound like a piece of shit
if i ever found out that i was the piece of shit in the whole story im gonna kill myself
im still the good guy though for now so at least i got that going for me. at least i still feel like an underdog