hi, my name isn’t actually mary but i’ll pretend it is to stay anonymous.
i’m a 13 year old who is struggling and wants help. i just want someone to listen to my rant.
my parents are getting divorced. i dont really exactly know how to feel but i hate the way i’ve been feeling. ive been using food, games, and music as a coping mechanism. i’ve gotten so unhealthy and unhappy mentally and physically. i’ve had to move to a whole different country just so my parents could get divorced. no one has realized this has been affecting me so much. it’s been almost a year since i’ve moved here. i hate it so much. i’ve lost all my friends. i hate moving. just when my life was perfect, this ruined it all. i’ve never felt this way before.
i pretend like i hate my dad but deep inside i really don’t. i miss him. i probably won’t be able to tell anybody this, so i’m putting that here. this has been extremely hard to deal with and all i’ve ever wanted was supporting friends that’ll listen to me, love me for who i am, and accept me as a person. i’ve lost that already months ago. i just want to be able to feel happy again, even if i’m not able to have what i used to have when i was happy.
all i EVER asked and will ask during my parents divorce is friends that actually care about me. i’ve just been losing friends every single day. i dropped 2 of my closest best friends because they didn’t care about me anymore. they’ve moved on. i have nobody to go to now for help. nobody has been helping me when i need it the most. is that too much to ask for? friends i can rant to and talk to my problems about?
i’ve been so suicidal from all of this and have been constantly writing my suicide letter crying in my room every day. i would’ve been better and happier if i actually had people by my side. i don’t understand why they left me during this time. do they know how much they’ve affected me?
whenever i used to tell my friends about something good that’s happened to me they would all reply with “cool” “nice” and “ok.” it hurt me so much. to think they don’t care if i’m happy or not. same thing when something bad happened to me. when i told my closest friends i trusted with my whole life my parents were getting divorced, they all had the same reaction. “I’ll miss you” “aw its okay” it was more than just a divorce to me. i wasn’t aware my whole life was gonna change from this. my dream job. my future. it could be all gone. i just want all of this to be over. i never thought i would have to rant to an online site anonymously. i’m so sorry if i sound selfish but i’ve never needed help more in my entire life. i have lost people i would die for. i don’t feel like i’m “living.” i feel like i’m just “existing.”
please write your stories of hope. i need it the most right now. i just want to not feel alone. please write me encouraging words. i’m so upset and depressed. i think about suicide everyday.