I woke up today feeling a wreck.
Last night I stayed up writing what I would like to say in court if there is any sort of hearing on this restraining order that is set to expire.
I’ve already formulated a response if this person tries to talk to me as well, which will probably never even happen.
It’s hypervigilance. The anxiety about the whole thing is very overwhelming.
The best outcome is probably to least likely to happen, which makes me feel hopeless. I don’t think this person ever intended to hurt me. I just don’t even really know why we aren’t talking to begin with. We were pretty good friends for awhile. She told me once that I made her partner jealous, so sometimes I wonder how much of it was based on her own thinking without outside influence. Did she not give me a reason why because she knew she didn’t have a very good one?
I don’t know anymore.
I guess I have learned a few things from the experience:
-Don’t chase someone who doesn’t reciprocate….even if you are dying for closure. Find the closure within yourself.
– Don’t use the silent treatment and/or just abandon people and not tell them why…..it hurts a lot. The thinking about it and worrying, examining every conversation to try to determine what they did wrong.
– Wait longer than a couple months to share your personal feelings.
– Move on without them, and don’t wait for them to come back…..you could be waiting your entire life, and it’s a waste of time to wait for something that is not meant for you.
– Don’t invest energy/time into people who are committed to misunderstanding you.