I have no real outlet for the loneliness I feel. Reaching out to others doesn’t help. I’ve cut myself off from everyone morally and psychologically. Which means all I have is myself. And I’m tired of me.
I wish I could go back to before I made myself this. So much of the time, I want not to be me anymore. For the self-awareness to be gone. So I can experience the world fully again, without the burden of my identity.
It’s such a waste of a life, to be so inhibited. Someone else could be using this oxygen, and really making the most of it. I just don’t have it in me to enjoy this world. There’s nothing I really want to do as me. I just want to stop being me – to be someone else, free of the things I know.