Every day I lose more and more reasons. I started out with so many dreams, so much faith in everything, and so much excitement. One by one it seems I’ve lost them all. Every single opinion I ever held, every single ideal I had placed my faith in, all gone. First it was a hope in people in general. Then when I lost that it was a hope that some people are worth it. Then it was a love for animals. But I grew to hate them too. Maybe I was worth it though. Maybe I could live for myself. But I realize now that it was a lie I told myself to go to sleep at night. I’ve hated myself for a very long time.
Distractions. Anything to take my mind off things. But it’s not enough. Every moment I am reminded that I am stuck in layers upon layers of mud, that I can never hope to be free.
I no longer have any hopes or dreams, or expectations. I am empty, except for memories that are more painful than not. Even the good ones hurt. Sounds hurt. Sight hurts. I have no more ideals. It’s all just fear and hate, and I jump from one to the other unconsciously, trying to get by with distractions.
Nothing left. Nothing left.