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Torment

by fadedobscurity2
Life. Aka torment. Death. Escape, silence, peace. Aka better than torment.
God. A puppet master who has us all on strings, bringing about calamity or blessing according to his sick, twisted, self serving will.
Failure. My life is riddled with it. My life as a whole defines it.
Purpose. We have none. See above. Don't really care anyway.
Get me out. I need to escape this torment.
The voices tell me I'm weak and worthless. An utter waste of existence and a gross disappointment to everyone that knows me or claims to love me. The voices are there constantly. Running me down. Confirming everything they tell me everyday through my sorry excuse of an existence.
Failure. That's what the voices say. I'm a failure at marriage, at parenting, at working, at life in general. You are so pathetic, you fail at failing. Failure. Failure. Failure. Failure. Failure. They chant. Over and over and over. Not just a failure, a miserable failure. Please I just want out. Out of this world, out of this life, out of this torment, out of this pain.
You're looking over my shoulder, waiting to criticize whatever I do. I see you from the corner of my eye. When I turn to see you, you hide. I know who you are. I know why you show up. You think it's funny, but it fucking scares me. You're not alone. I've seen others. A dark shadow. A persona of someone I knew once. You're flighty, just showing up when I'm vulnerable and pushing me to the edge of sanity. One of these days, I'm going to break.
I can't do this anymore.
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Christina_the_Cat 8/27/2020 - 11:02 pm

Maybe this might make you feel better… https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sIaT8Jl2zpI The part where you say “The voices tell me I’m weak and worthless” remind me of the first verse of the song.

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