Home General All these talks about “leaving a legacy” is all meaningless when we realize that we’re just too small to make any big/huge difference or mark in the world
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All these talks about “leaving a legacy” is all meaningless when we realize that we’re just too small to make any big/huge difference or mark in the world

by niki

…and that’s depressing (at least to me personally), when you then finally realized that basically everyday all we’re doing is just small, mundane, insignificant ordinary life. Nothing more. It all just seems so pointless & meaningless, like there is no point in the end, and in the grand scheme of everything (let alone in this vast universe). It’s what causing the existential depression in me, and it can get really bad to the point that I’m also feeling suicidal almost everyday, due to all the meaninglessness.

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Soda 8/3/2020 - 4:15 am

I think there are many of us who wish to make their mark on the world. To be remembered and loved for doing something or being someone ‘important.’

Sometimes we’ve fooled ourselves into thinking we’re a part of something larger and perhaps at some point we mattered to those close to us.

But the reality is that everyone is really alone and the rest of the ‘pomp and circumstance’ is all an illusion. Think about the slimy, scary, weird people that the rich celebrities attract. This is why they need bodyguards.

I come from a fairly accomplished family and while I succeeded in education I missed the boat on success due to a series of bad breaks in my life. I was expected to go very far and had the same expectations for myself by I ended up falling short of my goals.

I learned about humility and being humble while at the same time always keeping my eyes fixed on my lofty ambitions. After a lot of hard work I’ve been able to put myself into a position where I can focus on something that will get me to the next level and I believe I will succeed but should I fail then I’ll accept my loss and will decide if there is another way to get there or to just ‘throw in the towel.’

I’m not the type of person who can ever settle for mediocrity so I’m going to keep striving until I cannot go any further. I have no intention of scraping by in life, if I can’t do well then at some point I will end it.

Is there any meaning to life? Not really-we make our own meaning. For me that involves doing things that make me happy and keeping people in my life whose company I enjoy. I learned early to throw toxic people out of my life and have always been proud of myself for doing that.

The moment I felt my life was meaningless was when I realized religion was a lie and pile of crap and that we’re not here because of a god but because our parents did the deed. Also that they weren’t wealthy which means I’d have to join the rat race like most people to survive, something I wasn’t too happy about.

I had considered suicide from the time of this realization but then I decided to keep living and see what life had to offer as I’ll never exist again once I’m gone.

I’m also glad I stuck around because of my mother. As she got older her health got bad and she was unable to pay rent. If I wasn’t around to help her, she would’ve ended up homeless and probably suffered a lot before dying a terrible death. My wretched siblings are too selfish and evil to look after her.

Not to mention, despite being low-income she always took care of us and provided a fairly carefree life, so that’s the least I could do for her in return. Even if she was a ‘bad person’ I still wouldn’t abandon a family member.

I only wish I had reached this level of understanding 10 or 20 years ago. I was trying to beat the system and came close but then I also wasted a lot of time and could’ve been more productive.

Still if I become as successful as I hoped, then all the pain and suffering I’ve gone through would’ve been worth it. And while I’ll be older, that’s usually the pattern for most people who strive for more in life, they sacrifice their youth to ‘get ahead.’

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