All my life, I thought I was. My parents told me I was. The priest told me I was. The girl I loved told me I was. And I told myself that I was. I was a monster. I deserved to die. I needed to die. I did horrible things, and I feel horrible feelings, feelings that “good” people, truly “good” people, would never feel. Would never do. Yes, I am a monster.
But, where are these “good” people? Where are these altruistic, kind, strong, fair, courageous, self-controlled people? These protectors of the weak, these heroic souls? This ideal that I compared myself against, where is it in the world? Oh yeah, people don’t act on their desires all the time. Is that because they are “good”? It’s because they are afraid. They reek of fear. Fear of consequences. Fear of judgement. Fear of self. But when no one’s looking, I’ve seen what “good” people do. They join the rest of them, wriggling like vile worms, strangling each other to get to the top.
Humans are different from animals, so many have told me. They’ve insisted. Oh, we’re better than animals. We made technology. Truly a brilliant invention that has helped change the world…wait, no. It’s just caused more destruction of nature for the sake of convenience and entertainment of the human race. That’s not special. All animals want to instinctually make their lives easier. Oh, but we’re smarter. Yeah. We’re smarter. We were able to win against other animals and now we’re king of the jungle. But we still live by nature’s rules.
The strong live at the expense of the weak. They eat the weak. That is the Law. Humans are no different. There is no “good” ideal. There is no altruism, no justice, no pleasure except the pleasure we take at the cost of others, whether we are aware of their sacrifices or not. That is our way. That is nature’s way. We are ruled by greed, and there is nothing we won’t sacrifice to satisfy our greed. Myself included.
So, am I a monster? No. No, I am not a monster. I am human, as human as you. As human as everyone else. If I am in a position of power over you, I will eat you. If you are in a position of power over me, you will eat me. There is no justice. There is no kindness. There is no love. There is no compassion. There is no redemption. There is nothing but endless greed, at any cost. That is the law. No matter the idealism that humans spew to try and control others, and convince themselves they are “good” and someone else is “evil”, that will always be the law. The rest are platitudes and garbage.