Crumbling

I’m crumbling. I recently came out to a few people as queer and now I feel like I’m lying to everyone else. The person that I like told me they don’t like me back but still want to be friends and I honestly don’t know what to do because they’re the only person I really trust right now but I need boundaries to move on. I can’t tell anyone anything going on right now so I feel trapped and suffocated. I feel devastated because I’m never someone’s first choice in life. Like besides immediate family, friends never rank me as number one and everyone throughout my life has abandoned me. Why am I never good enough?? What’s the point?? I’m trying so hard right now to not self harm but I don’t know why I shouldn’t. Who would care? Who would stay anyway? Why does no one love me enough? When did I become so unlovable? What’s the point in living as something that can’t be loved?