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I don’t feel okay right now…

by imissyou

I know that this moment will pass, but this restraining order situation is stressing me out so much.
It’s supposed to expire on Thursday, but it’s been 5 years. It’s like I’ve gotten used to it. I use it to justify my anti-social tendencies and have used it to build a massive comfort zone. I won’t know what to do when it expires.
My heart says to try talking to her again.
My mind says that is the worst idea ever conceived.
She’s not blocked on my socials, and I really do hope that she reaches out.
I know not to expect it, but I can’t help but be incredibly anxious.
I don’t know why I hope that she reaches out even….she has done an incredibly amount of damage in my life.
I would just like the situation to be resolved and less tense, but with my luck, that will never happen.
What should I do?
As much as I wish I could just pretend it never happened, I know that I can’t.
I feel like I’m harboring resentment, and I want it to go away.
Part of me even wants her to hurt the way I hurt.
Maybe it’s just better if I kill myself….

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7 comments

mayhem1 8/9/2020 - 2:39 pm

So… by now she has probably forgotten about it. It seems she thought you were a nuisance or a threat to her well-being so she got a restraining order so she wouldn’t have to deal with you.

So that’s that. She shows that she wants nothing to do with you and you must respect that. These are the very clear boundaries she set up using the law. Of course, I don’t know the full story and the wrongs that she may have committed.

But it’s time for you now to start a new chapter of your life, one where you leave her behind and everything to do with her. She hurt you and there’s nothing you can do now to change that unless you want to be arrested again. So just accept that this is a lost cause… but there’s a lot more in the world for you than one b–ch who broke your heart. Rebuild yourself, become a new you, and maybe you’ll find love again with a sweet person who does return your affection.

Pretty much everyone has had their heart broken before, and at that point we just have to move on with our lives. We existed before we met that person, so we can continue existing when it’s over. Good luck.

TheJoors 8/9/2020 - 9:42 pm

Yes^ this^

Soda 8/10/2020 - 8:51 am

Firstly well said Mayhem.

Secondly I’m only posting OP because I think you’ve suffered a lot already and I wouldn’t want to see you get into more trouble.

The fact that someone has gone out of their way to get a restraining order should be a fairly clear red flag telling you that they don’t want anything to do with you.

Whatever the reason that led you to getting the order is irrelevant at this point. The only thing that matters is that you forget about this person and move on.

You said she’s done a lot of damage to your life. Do you want her to do even more damage? It’s like touching a hot stove, how many times do you need to touch it until you’ll realize it’s not a wise thing to do?

We’re all strangers here and I’m sure few of us are really invested in anyone else’s life. However I’m sure most of us at least try to give common sense advice to others when we see they are making a mistake.

So my advice to you is the same as Mayhem’s forget this girl, don’t ever contact her again and find someone new. Otherwise the cycle will just repeat.

TheJoors 8/13/2020 - 1:39 am

It’s like sending an add twice and still nothin.
And she’s so hot ;____;

I get you.

TheJoors 8/13/2020 - 1:41 am

Then seeing hot person in traffic while noticing some dude fixing his hair and looking like ?_? And then noticing like wth r u doing here well this became awkward

TheJoors 8/13/2020 - 1:42 am

She’s so hot, I almost ended up in a straight jacket ;_;

muspelhem 8/14/2020 - 2:40 pm

You should get therapy. If you already have, they obviously did a half-assed job.

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