I took these antidepressants when I was 17 that fucked up my brain It was like my brain was being ripped apart like a wet tissue in a blender. The words don’t come out right anymore. It was like they erased a part of me. Part of my soul. It’s like a part of me is just… Gone. Like a mild lobotomy. I met this person who sort of filled in the blanks that they erased. But I had a mental breakdown and alienated myself from them.
We were so similar in nature, it’s like we connected on a spiritual level. They always understood how I was feeling despite how difficult it has become to communicate.
They destroyed my brain. They destroyed a part of me and I found my soul in her again. Imagine having your reflection erased, like a vampire, and then being able to see it in someone else again someday. I can see the reflection of my soul in her heart. Even though I thought it was gone forever. With her, I can be whole again.
But that’s the thing. I pushed her away. Because she was like my hero. It feels so pathetic to be a burden on a woman. Like imagine being the rescue to a woman instead of being able to defend yourself
It reminds me of the time I almost drowned when I was a kid and started calling for the girl I was there with. They say that those who are drowning pull others down with them. It’s so pathetic. It’s that all over again.
I knew that’s what this was and that I would be a burden on her.