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VI

by Monster

I really want my heart to finally stop beating. It’s already struggling to beat. “Only the good die young.” Well, I’m not good, and I’m going to die young. I’m in my twenties. I originally joined SP back in 2013. I was such a different person then. I was still good. It wasn’t too late for me. Now, it’s far too late. I’ve never had access to a good method, or else I would’ve killed myself years ago. If I had it my way, I would’ve killed myself at the age of twelve; that’s how old I was when thoughts of suicide first entered my mind. I’m nothing but a curse, so of course I couldn’t do my mother the favor of killing myself back then! Instead, I put her through years of watching helplessly as her child got worse and worse. She never deserved to be cursed with a child like me. All I’ve ever done was exist. Well, I’ve made sure that I’ll never get the chance to actually live! I truly hope 2020 will be the year of my death. I just know I’m going to have such a painful death; I certainly don’t deserve it to be painless! I’ll find out sooner rather than later…

– Monster

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