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Why am I back?

by GraveError

It should have gone to plan, but life rarely does. Instead, I’m more torn up than before, with almost nothing left to lose.  My head never stops complaining, reminding me of the pain inside. It hurts but I love it, I need it. My drug. I find it reassuring to know it’s going to end someday. I mean, if all this is pointless I don’t care either way where I end up after.
I forgot most of what happened. Maybe the slow re-discovery also rekindled the old pain, along with new misery. But so what. No one cares. Took me 6 years to figure that out. Now it’s Nihilism. I live it, breathe it.
Perhaps it’s not that no one gives a shit, but they’ve grown tired of me. The constant routine of a depressed individual, the venting and toxic conversations. I get it.
If someone who knows/knew me finds this, I’m truly sorry for existing. All I do is bleed poison. And I can’t even give you the relief of not existing anymore, because I failed. I guess sorry doesn’t cut it.
Well, I shall continue through the pointlessness of it all. What else is there?

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