What’s on my mind?
Honestly, right now i’m just in my own thoughts. Thinking about the past mostly. I sometimes dream about you. I dream about the hotel and how it’s become a place for me to call “home” when i’m Lucid. I dream constantly and i’ve mastered many techniques but I can still never conjure you. You only come when you please, which leads me to believe that when I DO see you, that it means something. I miss you, brother. When you visit me I mostly always forget that you’re gone, and If I do remember I don’t bring it up and I just soak up the time I have with you.
I’ve been living with the weight of it all since then. I ask myself, why? Why carry the weight anymore?
Why do I have to be responsible for the gravity of your decisions, of the lives you impacted.
I know it’s the curse I carry no matter where I go. If I do decide to leave, I know no matter where I roam that weight goes with me. Until the day i die!
Sometimes, I hate you for it! I’ve beat my bloody fists into the concrete asking why, WHY!?
I’ve been punishing myself in ways I really don’t understand anymore. I thought I knew the key to my penance, to atone, but I was wrong. I put myself in harms away so much so that that is all I know anymore.,
I know I have to right your wrongs, and that’s what i’m alive for, I have to be a version of you that couldn’t be.
I used to live my life as if you were the protagonist and I was just living in your world; But now I see I am the protagonist, and you were my shadow character,. you were living in mine.
I love you, Brother!
(I don’t care about grammar)
(I know how Daryl feels in this video)