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I’m never

by CARLOSPEJUAN

I’m looking at this math class the way David saw Goliath… But I don’t have a slingshot. My brain feels like I’m a fucking retard. It doesn’t process math. It cannot get SHIT right. I’m so angry and frustrated at myself for being slow in the head. Fuck my life. I just want to die right now. I’m praying for cancer or a stroke. But the truth is I’m healthy. I fucking hate myself at the moment. I have so much homework to do and so little time. And I can’t even get it right apparently. I’m tired of life’s trials. I just wanted to be successful. Why is it that life punishes me with shortcomings at every mother f-ing step of the way. First depression then ADHD, then schizophrenia and now learning disabilities. Fuck my life dude I’m so angry my head hurts. I’m so sad about it all though. I think I’m going to sleep. Not because I’m tired but because I don’t see the point of trying anymore.

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6 comments

darkwillow 9/4/2020 - 5:19 am

I quit school, I couldn’t handle giving up all of my freetime to work and studying constantly, just to better a future I didn’t care for..

What is it what you’re studying ?

TheJoors 9/4/2020 - 11:44 pm

Just think, it could be worse. Imagine math class with nubs for hands and no writing it out
-this post made me lol

TheJoors 9/4/2020 - 11:44 pm

And crying with nub arms because math is so hard

Soda 9/5/2020 - 12:58 am

Math really isn’t that bad. If you can do 1+1 and 5×6 for example, then you’re already on your way to succeeding at it. Everything that comes after, is based on these simple logical foundations.

I won’t say I was particularly gifted at math but I enjoyed problem solving, but most of my learning just came from solving problems over and over under I had understood the pattern or method to solving equations. Partly I also loved math/science and learning in general so that made it rewarding in itself to do.

You seem to write well, math is just a short form of writing and using reason. The other key aspect is time management. If you leave things till the last minute then it becomes harder to learn. It’s about allocating time every day which makes it easier to process the info.

I take for granted all the discipline, patience and determination I’ve picked up over the years. Your post reminds me of the times when I also got overwhelmed with the work I had to accomplish until I became better organized.

While I missed out on the career I studied for, it did open other doors for me and has put me in the place that I wanted to be for a long time.

So in short you can do it also, you just have to be organized and focused.

TheJoors 9/7/2020 - 12:16 am

Khan Academy helped me ace math in college. I forgot to mention it. 🙂 It has ever-y-thing. So if you forget how to do the elementary math that’s piling into the larger algebraic equation, go there. It’s a life saver

TheJoors 9/7/2020 - 12:19 am

Plus other types of math etc
And if you’re in college, completing a required psych 1 course, visit medcircle and Paul Bloom’s free intro to psych lectures. They provide more than the online course. It makes it fun, because a graded quiz on which disney princess represents body dysmorphia isn’t cutting it for me.

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