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It’s like I hit a wall

by outinthedark

On Friday I reported a coworker who was borderline harassing me and making me feel uncomfortable. And I keep going back and forth on if I should’ve reported them or not. And honestly it’s making me more and more anxious and depressed because now I wish I just didn’t exist so this problem wouldn’t exist and I know the easiest way out of this, but I can’t take that exit because itd make others very sad. And I’m just at the point where it takes very little to have me have those thoughts. It’s not even just wanting to cut myself to calm down it’s just instantly wanting to kill myself and end it all. Any situation anything that makes me slightly question myself just makes me fall into my hole unable to get myself out of anything and losing all hope and motivation I have. I honestly don’t know how much longer I can do this

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amazing_grace 9/6/2020 - 2:16 pm

If reporting was confidential you shouldn’t worry because it is appropriate (who knows if others stayed silent.)

The place to take suicidal thoughts is an emergency room. I know they show up, a compulsion I have no more control over than the madness or hope in the world.

So it took hopelessly reading articles online for me to piece it together, I form action statements in response to self blame for being treated badly, and the understanding helped me see how I really can make myself suffer, and that by distracting myself I am making the smallest choice to focus on something different, sometimes positive.

From here I realized I’d been misdiagnosed in the world of psychology, only upon learning about my real issue which falls more into the world of neurology. No one ever told me.

Please do not give up.

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