I’ve decided I need to stop talking / typing / thinking / etc. It’s just plain bad. I put my foot in my mouth so much that all I can taste are nasty dirty socks. Especially when I’m tired and have been pulling loads of 12’s and got loaded up with modafinil to plow through it. I took too many last night and now I won’t sleep today, and I’ll do it all again tonight. And our lead is on medical leave, so I’m in charge of running this stupid freaking electric furnace the size of a house while coordinating our team and managing production. The foolish supervisors expect me to not break a bunch of glass and turn the production floor into a seething mass of chaos. Ha! I’ll show them. It’s going to be raining glass by the time the night is over.
But I’ll also have alienated everybody I know and driven everyone up the walls with my incoherent rambling nonsense. It’s like I forget how to listen when I’m like this and I think talking at people is a good compromise. God, I hate myself sometimes. I txt bombed a friend earlier who’s in bed with stomach issues, and I just rambled on about it – it was okay at first, I was legitimately concerned, still am, but that devolved into just… god, I don’t even know. And another friend has been trying to get me to hang out with him on his property, but I keep forgetting to reply back to him at all until he’s already at work and it’s too late to go over. And on and on and on… my stupid bridge-burning knows no end.
Please kick me, or hit me with a lead pipe or something. I swear to god, I need a mental reset. If you reply to this, I swear I will say something incredibly fucking stupid to you and you’ll think I’m awkward and weird. That’s just how I roll. Take it or leave it, or hit me with a pipe to make me shut the hell up. The last one is the best option.