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by rivets

It just has to be narcissists. All my life, they’re just everywhere. I was always like the eye of the storm. I drew hard boundaries with blunt objects and removed myself as much as i could, physically and mentally, but it feels like i’ve spent half my life cleaning up in their wake. Being the support for the victims who didnt, or didnt know how to draw hard boundaries. Have you ever had to listen to your mother tell you about the degrading, soul destroying sexual antics she felt forced to endure for her narcissistic partner? I have. I had to listen to the same shit from my sister. And i listened, and tried my best to steer them out of that mental space – to find some way out of the relationship, to help them see how damaging and unhealthy it was. And here i am, a grown ass man, doing it for someone else all over again. What kind of world are we living in that there are this many sadistic pieces of shit in it? I sometimes wish i could just have normal relationships. I really do. If you have normal relationships, you are damn lucky.


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postalservice 9/14/2020 - 4:32 am

I can relate. My dad wasn’t a narcissist, but he was raised by his parents, who lived through the great depression and ww2. He also grew up climbing the ladder of a narcissistic work culture. The whole, “privilege to spit at the underdog when they didn’t know what they were doing.”
He ended up vice president. One day, I heard him in his office calling someone stupid for not understanding their insurance policy. I spoke up, and asked how he could talk to his employees that way. He’d respond with, *a submissive look, “just shut your mouth” as in: I get you, but that’s just the way it is. I was a teenager, but living with him, he treated us the same. “You’re just kids, you don’t know anything.” Or “I remember trying out for band, I bought a trumpet, felt stupid, quit. No, you can’t join band.”
Even as a kid, I remember his gigantic wooden desk at home. He had an office in the house. Any time me or my sister were in trouble, he’d call us into his office and scold us with questions while we sat in two leather chairs across from him and the desk… Lol
One time, my sister was called in and asked , “Why is there “butts” in the google search history” haha

postalservice 9/14/2020 - 4:34 am

but get this, when your boss is a narcissistic man, like my father was, he tries to appear stronger than how he actually feels inside.

rivets 9/14/2020 - 5:28 am

You got that one totally correct. But from the sounds of it, your dad just had narcissistic tendencies, not full-on NPD. Its a totally different ballgame in the big leagues. Lol

postalservice 9/14/2020 - 12:57 pm

Besides family, which is worse? Narcissistic men or women?

rivets 9/14/2020 - 4:41 pm

They’re both pretty bad, but you find more men than women. And the men have more physical strength, which can be a complication.

postalservice 9/15/2020 - 12:59 am

Idk, full on npd is hard to diagnose in this day and age. But god forbid it if you know it’s a situation that horrible.

postalservice 9/14/2020 - 4:40 am

And if you could relate, I watched my parents divorce…and on behalf of my mother’s emotional grief, I now know every word to cher’s greatest hits CD. Apparently it pulled her out of heartbreak. I’m 100% on that.

a1957 9/14/2020 - 10:01 pm

They make terrible bosses yet higher ups lavish them. They make terrible spouses yet their victims are drawn to them and are oh so loyal for a long time.
I went to group therapy for victims of narcissists for a year and my oh my the stories people told. It was awful, awfully true, and nearly inconceivable how cunning a narcissist can be.
Narcissistic people have effects so far over the top they seem to dominate the population yet by some estimates may only make up about 6 per cent of the population. I am no expert on these things but it seems they and the non-adjusted sociopaths make up maybe a total of 7 percent of the population but account for what seems like half of all human destructive behaviors.

rivets 9/14/2020 - 11:22 pm

Their victims all almost universally want to get untangled from them, yet they can’t for various reasons. Usually fear, but also because their victims are almost always the nicest, most caring people you could find, and their good nature inclines them towards extending trust even after being hurt repeatedly. Helping them get untangled is always painful.

postalservice 9/15/2020 - 1:03 am

Oooooh you’d love Dr. Ramani Durvasula then. She’s an expert on this topic.
I watch because it isn’t boring but u would love it

rivets 9/15/2020 - 1:43 am

Ive seen her stuff, and that dude with the European accent and funky name. They mostly have a good handle on it. Most narcissists hate and idolize their mothers, and treat their love interests like their mothers. They want to punish her, but pasive aggressively at first, and it gradually escalates until they ultimately kill their mother. Its also like a drug to them – at first, simple demands of the victim suffice to get their fix. Over time, it escalates until nothing the victim does can appease them and they have to move on to a new drug (a new victim) to get their emotional stability.

postalservice 9/15/2020 - 1:56 am

So true. And if we’re thinking of the same european man, with thr gray hair, I saw a piece on him where he was diagnosed with npd. He was sitting with his wife saying he only loves her at a distance. He covers a bunch of topics, but for that reason I didn’t subscribe.

postalservice 9/15/2020 - 1:23 am

I get you, though. My godfather was my dad’s best friend and a self made millionaire. I knew him my entire life. When my father passed, he was still lifeless in his bed. The same hour he passed away, my godfather showed up at our house and said, “I’m 99% sure I’m on his will. (He didn’t have one.)
At 18, I was the heir and had to decide between a salesman and a businessman to take over the executor role. I gave it to both of them to see how it would play out and hopefully fairly.
My godfather would lie and tell me my uncle, the salesman didn’t want in anymore. That he could handle all of it and make a profit with services etc… If you knew my dad, you’d know that that wasn’t what he wanted. I caught up with the lie and fired him. (Badass that I could fire a millionaire scumbag.)
My uncle took over, and didn’t profit.
The lawyer choice was phenomenal, he decided not to charge us in the end.
The millionaire’s lawyer charged hundreds just for the phone call.
But no, in the same week my dad died, people got nasty. My aunts and uncles dug through the trash for a will “I would’ve magically known enough about the world to throw it away” which I didn’t.
I knew there wasn’t one, because my dad was super sick one night and I made him go to the er. (That was a stubborn hellfire) He would’ve died that night of a staph/blood infection. After a week of being in the ICU, he was released and died of a heart attack in his sleep. I found him. But there was closure. After being informed of his nearness to death the first time, we talked about everything related to the “what ifs.” What he would’ve wanted had he passed. What he expected from me. What he would’ve said to family/ the criticism / and the truth showed itself- My aunt, the doctor, always saying “he would never approve of your sister’s tattoos, her mistakes, ungrateful,” because his words were, ” if you’ve never raised a child, you can’t criticise the child’s mistakes by assuming lifebshould be perfect.”
He also didnt want a will. He said with humor, “Fight over it. I’m dead and gone. But I’d want you to make good use of it.” And more but there’s too much to list. But no, I know what it looks like. My dad’s friends were doctors and lawyers and one businessman. We went boating with them. Some were quite the dandys

postalservice 9/15/2020 - 1:30 am

When I was fifteen, I told my godfather about how the restaurant we were at didn’t hire me but still hiring… And god it was embarrassing. He’d say, “that son of a ***** won’t hire you” (some gay guy manager) he’d look around the room and say, “You want me to find this assh* and tell him to explain himself. You want the job you’ ll get it.” He was so extroverted / over the top / but full of charisma.

postalservice 9/15/2020 - 1:32 am

He’s a Donald in his talk and mannerisms. But I’ll stop flooding your thread.

rivets 9/15/2020 - 1:49 am

Keep going. Your experiences are colorful. I know rich narcissists tend to be a lot different than the broke down, angry children narcissists you meet in dilapidated factory towns. The experiences I’ve have, outside my dad, have all been lifeless, irritable, and gray.

postalservice 9/15/2020 - 2:36 am

Too many to mention, my friend. The kid doing cocaine, bragging about murdering someone, calling himself a genius ICP rapper… Then the roommate you move in, and this one’s a tale.. I kept my dad’s glasses in a box of mementos. This kid moves in after a fallout with his parents and steals my roommates “pedo glasses” , and wears them for a month , claiming they were “his grandfather’s” … He’d lie a lot, once it was that he was an honor roll student on the student council, another was he just walked into an art gallery and was asked to pose naked for a cluster of female painters… That he walked the riverwalk naked, after a beer, for “the beauty of feeling free” …>·> he had weird hair and smelled like mom’s detergent (didn’t do his own laundry) … Oh what else, Made up a story about stripping in front of his class for a speech and being cheered on… Never happened. Inheriting 50,000 after being asked to leave, he read a few pages of a book I had called, “Look me in the Eye” about asperger’s bc my friend was diagnosed with it. Then he told everyone he had autism and “untold gifts”
After telling these lies, he was a tenant after a week…i was screwed. He completely undressed, followed me around the apartment naked, “My house, I can express myself freely.” So I’d avoid it the best I could by locking my door,.. He picked the lock naked and laid on my floor. Followed me around. Awkward, I didn’t know him for that long, maybe a month. He asked me out and this was the aftermath. After a while I grew tired of it and tried beating him up. I had a test the next day and it was too late to leave. I honestly was trying to study, and naked, he turned off the power etc, I wasn’t prepared enough so I was cramming. Anyway, he had a scratch and threatened to call the cops if I didn’t sign a contract to room with him for two more years.. Imagine a kid wearing pedo glasses angrily telling u to sign a contract written in pen. He made me pay everything and poked holes in my bathroom door. I caught it, and felt like I had to trick him into moving back in with his mom. I tell him to pick up more clothes, he takes my garage clicker as reassurance i wont leave him there, and I drove off. Well, he swiped my phone, hacked my facebook, and messaged my family members as me saying i was going to shoot someone. I also saw he broke up with a guy I was dating, and another message to a friend asking her if she had a crush on him as “said friend likes u do u like him” …. He put a tip in to the police claiming the same, that I wanted to shoot people, and I was fired from a temp service because they didn’t want to risk anything. Awkward applying for the next one.
And I shit you not, he showed up when I was on a date and he refused to leave. He told the clerk he needed to get ahold of me, so the clerk brings me to the lobby. I told the clerk he wasn’t a guest when I saw who it was. Then the roommate requested an ambulance because he “had hypothermia” so the ambulance came and took him to the ER. He was on the gurney and looked at me, “see you at the hospital.” He called nonstop, and we left for a few hours, saw a movie… He comes back, knocks on the door, and pushed through the hotel door, where, I’m watching tv waiting for my bf to bring back ice..my bf of 3 years, an army vet, wasn’t having that and pinned him until the clerk noticed and the cops were called. A nightmare. He refused to leave and was arrested for trespassing after telling the cop, “my doctor said she was supposed to take care of my hypothermia”. We checked out. It was way too horrible and I was bombarded with questions and almost broken up with. It didn’t look good at all. I saw his dating profile and it said he was a computer programmer. Another lie about his importance.
And you know, he was an alright kid in between the creepiness, and back then, I just kept letting the red flags go and it got bad. Baiter ~ narcissistic little baiter. Im so glad those earlier years are behind me now.

rivets 9/15/2020 - 6:22 am

I’m still stuck trying to help my friend. Her narcissist is veering dangerously close to the discard phase of the relationship and it worries me since this is the first relationship he’s had, and his shared fantasy is that they’ll be together forever. He’s severely physically abusive and obsessed with guns. It just seems like a dangerous situation and I’m doing my best to walk her to the conclusion that she needs to file a police report next time he lays a hand on her. He hasn’t yet, that I know of, but she’s having breakdowns over simple looks he gives her, and nothing is working to appease him like it normally does. It sounds like you’ve had some experience with these types, yourself. Have you run into any dangerous ones?

postalservice 9/16/2020 - 6:00 am

I commend you. I know a man who has autism and before we met, developed an obsession with guns. His gf said she was leaving him over financial issues and anger problems. so he removed her spark plugs , picked up his assault rifle and said something along the lines of i could kill u if i wanted to. she ran to a neighbor’s and called the police before anything happened. he lied and said he was just cleaning his guns. hopefully your friend has a secure place to go and a plan set aside for when shes ready. im sure you know how dangerous leaving can get. ill pray for her on this

rivets 9/16/2020 - 6:09 am

She’s been living with me for about a year now. I think she’s afraid to leave, honestly, because that’ll give him more control over the situation. He may be obsessed with guns, but I got bigger ones, and he’s banned from the apartment. This is a safe space for her I guess, aside from my bipolar drunken craziness. I don’t think that bothers her too much, though. It makes for a hilarious dynamic. He’ll text me from her phone every month or so and threaten me, tell me to stay away from her, and it’s like, *****, she lives here. Shove that insecurity right back up your ass and go back to being constipated.

rivets 9/17/2020 - 9:20 am

She did it! I mean, started the process. She left town, made the call, struggled through the conversation while getting her shit done – making sure her points got across. Little twat has been bombing her cell from an endless stream of numbers because she keeps blocking them. I dunno how one person can have access to so many phones, but me not keen on narc phone strategies. I listened to one of the voicemail series and couldn’t help but laugh. 1st was him sobbing and begging her not to leave, 3rd was him threatening to kill her and burn down the apartment complex, calling her worthless and telling her he had no use for her anyhow. 4th was back to sobbing and begging. Head hurts.

Okay. Well, after all that drama, we’re back home, I’m not stuck freaking out at work while she deals with the emotional turbulence by herself, and I’m the only one not sleeping. She also apparently has gallstones that just got enraged by the whole situation and I swear to god I am going to get her into an E.R. later today come hell or high water. Heh. This is like opening one of those snake jars and all the snakes go flying out everywhere. Welcome to life, I suppose. This has been a good shitfilled awful day for the memory hole, most likely. I’ll probably have a big black space filling this date on the calendar in my mind’s eye. I’ll look back and think, “Huh, I feel like i did something important on the 17th of 2020, but for the life of me, all I can remember is a giant mass of gray blankness…. so weird how that happens.”

I wish someone would smack he in the head with a frying pan and knock me out for a while. That’d be cool.

postalservice 9/20/2020 - 10:06 pm

She needs a restraining order @_@ holy shit that’s crazy

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