It helps to remind myself that I have everything I need right now. In this exact moment. And that’s enough. Because all there is is this moment.
The catalyst that put me in a tailspin no longer holds sway over my psyche. I’ve managed to put the pieces back in their proper places and see through clearer lenses. Perspective borne of acceptance or resignation.
Although I couldn’t see it, I was able to feel my insanity then.
It’s like looking back at a photograph that became disjointed pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that have been reassembled. It surprises me to see how sick I was, how driven by a desperation to NOT be broken. Denial. Blindness. Sin.
In many respects, life is harder than it was then. It is a marvel to not feel suicidal despite the daily ache for my life to be over.
It seemed so real at the time, yet after all that was conjectured and dissected and tested here on SP, it proved utter nonsense.
Still I was glad for the companionship and the input, glad for others’ insights and assertions about life and meaning. I remember more than a few of you with admiration and fondness for your sincerity, support, insight, poignancy, and general hilarity.
There’s no purpose or person or point in particular to be reached here. This experience held no deep truth, forged no lasting friendship, and indeed was merely sound and fury.
Peace to you and good wishes.