What it feels like. I’ve come across no one that understand the feeling. I keep my problems to myself, generally, but sometimes the topic of hatred comes up nonetheless, and folks either revel in it, or shun it without understanding it. Both sides are sickening.
Hatred is an addiction, and the stimulant is people. Any human interaction and you have this overhwelming desire to drink. You don’t immediately feel hatred, but a growing disgust in the pit of your stomach. You feel unwell. You start to get jitters, to physically sweat as you try to think of anything but how much you detest that person, just like all the rest of them. You try to look for any rationale to not hate them, any redeeming qualities that humans have at all, but none come to mind. Because there are none — once the delusion of “good people” and “bad people” is broken, it’s all just hate. Hatred for a species that tortures its own kind. Hatred for a species that takes away the freedoms of others. Hatred for a species that can never understand one another. Hatred for a species that will walk over dead bodies just to get a couple dollars when no one’s looking, a species in which a tiny drop of greed overshadows, in an instant, any false “idealism” they tout in public. I’ve seen it all. I’ve felt it all. And it’s not just me — if you read books, you’ll find my perspective isn’t all that uncommon. The modern age has brilliantly shrouded basic, observable truths about human nature in a mixture of agnostic hyperrationality and tech/science-based positivism: the myth that humans are “progressing”. Progressing in what exactly: faster Netflix streaming? Google glasses? Please. We’re not progressing. We’re just enabling 10% of our species to get nice and fat off instant gratification, and calling it “progress”. Healthcare? Try going into a hospital and see how insurance companies fleece you, and what kinds of medications are readily prescribed. Education? $200,000 for a Bachelors degree, thank you very much. No. There’s no progress. Progress is a lie.
There is no reason to not hate people, except a pragmatic one. Hating people does you no good when you need to use people to get what you want. But that does nothing to calm the urge, not really. I don’t expect anyone on here to get it, but I needed a place to say my piece, so here it is.