Home General stop
Report Post


by thehusk

Parts of me want so badly to stop. That hate what I’ve become so much. But this stubborn resistance refuses and clings to existence. So I post here, in an attempt to relieve that feeling for a while. So for a time I can pretend that it’s not hopeless. In hopes of feeling a little less alone. Sometimes it works.

I’m not a cutter – generally averse to injury of any kind. But something to interrupt these feelings – this despair – that appeals right now.

This state will not last. In a few hours, it will have been pushed down again by some form of distracting dopamine. The reality will be suppressed, until tomorrow morning. When I will again spend hours torn between the savagery of my psyche and the exhaustion of my self-image.

I need a personality transplant. This one has no future. Tear it out, and replace it with one that doesn’t respond to reality in such a dysfunctional way.

I’m not constitutionally capable of reform. Too damn stubborn. The rot runs too deep in me. I refuse. I shall cling to my misery, even as it tips me toward annihilation.


Related posts


Virus.Found 9/9/2020 - 5:38 pm

I freaking feel that right now. I’m having some sort of episode, where I’m just mad at everybody and everything and I don’t know what to do, to distract myself. But if I do, I get lost in this kind of distraction, I’m probably going to be stuck there for a few days, not answering to my friends or generally not thinking about my future. A personality transplant would be great. Just being an ignorant @ss towards everything, just so I don’t have to feel so hopeless of feeling everything at once..

Pagan 9/10/2020 - 3:36 am

This was triggering to read. I don’t want to be contacted about this.

Leave a Comment