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stuck

by thehusk

Fear of suffering. That’s my primary drive and motivation. But if that’s the case, why isn’t ending it the rational choice? If there’s probably no existence beyond death, and probably no monotheistic God to punish me, and probably nothing I could do to avoid such punishment anyway, then…why am I enduring this? I’m suffering, and my suffering only gets worse as I age, and continuing to live risks exposure to really terrible suffering.

But part of me is resistant to that logic. I fear death. This animal wants to survive, and replicate. Even though death is inevitable, and replication extremely unlikely.

Suicide seems the obvious choice, at least from a purely self focused point of view. Ending my suffering versus significantly increasing the suffering of family. But I can’t even seem to bring myself to make that choice. The irrational attachment to life is still to strong.

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pinkbaby331 9/3/2020 - 12:45 pm

I can really relate, because on an esoteric level, my soul isn’t even on this planet anymore. Its like I’ve left but my human form is still here suffering. I hope that you can get through this and come out stronger on the other side.

sgiksw 9/3/2020 - 10:01 pm

I can also relate to both of you. Mom takes care of me and if i die, then i will not be able to afford life. I will be at the mercyof the low lives ilive around, in low income housing, or worse. It is really hard to kill yourself, thats probably why youre still here. I understand holing it will get better, i just want my problems made better and theycould be with money. But i idnt see thathappening as im stuck in the poverty trap and have a lot of physical pain. Ileft in 2015. I just broke, id had enoigh. There is only so much a soul and human can take, now im just surviving and it snot living.

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