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by kill_me

I want to hold a baseball bat and just start breaking things. I want to throw whatever my hands reach, I want to hear glass breaking on the floor. I want to scream so loud.

There’s too much anger in me and nothing google says works. Articles just say to redirect your anger do other stuff, just breathe and relax. That’s bs it doesn’t work at all. I don’t think it works that way.

I am mad at my dad for not paying for my bills. He doesn’t care if I die even if this brain tumor gets worse until it kills me. I am mad at him for never noticing me, for not playing his part as a dad. He shouldn’t have brought me to this world. I am mad at him for slapping me so hard I thought I would go blind.

I am mad at my mom for everything. Punishing me until now by letting me kneel on salt or rice. For saying at my face how she prefers my cousin over me as her daughter. I did nothing wrong. I hate her for not listening to me everytime I told her my head hurts and I want a check up. Now I have three tumors on my brain.

I hate them for just being a show off parents. We are a fake family and yet no one knows. They’re envious of me for having a ‘perfect life.’

I hate my brother for not saying anything at all.

Whenever I am close to just breaking things or punching the wall, I played the keyboard. I don’t get why I am so mad but I also start crying. Maybe because I am angry at them for hurting me? Idk. I am so mad and I don’t know how to release this.

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Abnormal.Thoughts 10/25/2020 - 5:54 am

If you Googled it I’m sure you’ve seen the suggestion already but have you tried running to release the anger and clear your head?
I’m so sorry for everything.

kill_me 10/25/2020 - 1:16 pm

Yes. I can’t exactly go out but we have a treadmill so I did run.. But it’s just not enough. You don’t have to say sorry.

anon123 10/27/2020 - 4:40 am

You say you don’t understand why you get so mad, but it seems to me you have reasons to feel that way. A lot of unfair things are happening to you and it’s ok to feel that way. If you play the keyboard when it builds maybe more artistic things will help? Whenever I get into a state and want to hurt myself and destroy things I put my headphones on, blast music and draw what I’m feeling. Art therapy can help a lot of people. But most importantly I would say it’s ok to feel angry. Your feelings are valid and you don’t need to question them. I know it’s hard to find a release that people wont notice, I managed to finally find one with art. Please don’t ont stop trying 🙂

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