My husband raped me. Twice. I can’t tell anybody because nobody would believe me and even if they did, they wouldn’t care. I can’t leave because I am unemployed and don’t have any money. I don’t want him to get in trouble. I want things to work out. I realize how stupid I sound. He just told me he’s been hiding thousands in credit card debt from me. This is the second time this has happened. He’s been lying about it for at least a year. The last time I wrote on here about him, somebody commented that I should “just talk to him and stop sending mixed messages.” I’ve tried. We’ve been to therapy. I was diagnosed with Borderline and I’ve tried to give him all these books and articles and videos so he can learn how to help me, but he hasn’t done any of the work. He’s got ADHD and I’ve talked to him about it and am constantly looking up information to learn more about it to help him. I keep telling myself if he wanted to help, he would. But he hasn’t. I don’t really have anywhere to go or anyone to go to. It’s either stay and be miserable until I die or leave and be homeless and miserable until I die. So I guess I’d rather pick the lesser if two evils.
The only thing keeping me alive are my cats. One of them is sick right now and it’s been causing me to have panic attacks. When I tried to die the first time, this cat stopped me before I could go through with it. I feel like I’m going to fuck up somehow, and I literally owe him my life. I just wish I had someone to talk to that cares.