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full send

by Rationalist-Pragmatist

Anyone else ever just feel like going full send, write out a long and personal post having the intent to convey something thorough and deep, and then have it veer so completely far off from what you had originally intended that you just scrap it and say fuck it? And in the end it comes down to: Who would relate? Probably no one anyway.

I really wish I could express myself better. Anyone wanna talk?

That’s the second time I’ve asked that in a row. It’s a sign that I’m becoming more suicidal. But no one will notice anyway.

And even if you do respond, I won’t have much to say. I reject compassion, at some inner level, probably. These are dire straights we’re in.

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6 comments

darkwillow 10/9/2020 - 5:39 am

I noticed a while ago you posted about being an old member on this site. Dont worry. Theres plenty of old members still around. I’ve recently heard from Dawg, Fakingit, Lorax, Exhausted24, MindlessGamer, WhiskeredFish, LoveDogs, SpectralGiraffe, and gosh so many more. Were you close to anyone in specific?

- 10/9/2020 - 6:46 am

I’m afraid my mind and personality have been far too distorted for far too long due to the constant distress caused by my dementia for me to have been able to relate to any other human being in any meaningful way for an extraordinarily long time.

- 10/10/2020 - 12:34 am

I was interested in contacting clevername. But I know he’s long gone. I left a comment on his last post anyway. In case he ever checks it. We’ll see.

Abnormal.Thoughts 10/9/2020 - 8:35 am

If compassion doesn’t work, commiserations are an option.
I don’t know what you’re going through, or what it’s like to have dimentia, but I do know what it’s like to miss your entire point while writing as you’ve mentioned. When I do I usually just note at the end that it’s not what I was going for and post it anyways, seems like a waste of effort to delete it and rarely do I have the energy to fix it.

Wisp 10/10/2020 - 9:05 pm

I’ve lost count with how many times I’ve written posts here just to say, nah fuck it, I’m not publishing that. How many innocent people have had to glance over my pathetic posts.

postalservice 10/11/2020 - 5:07 am

Old users. From a few years ago, FreeRoma, MindlessGamer and Rivets I remember from back then.

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