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I am such a disappointment


I just failed my second math test. I am now facing the consequences of being a retard. Something out of my control, something I cannot change  I wish I was smarter so I could pass these tests and become something important in my life. I think it’s unfortunate when you have big dreams and desires but you’re not capable of manifesting them. I just found two tutors. I wonder if that will help. All I want is to be  a great person. I’m on the brink of selling my soul for success. It’s like I want it so bad Idk what year to do. Living just seems to not be my thing. I’m an idiot, I’m retarded, I’m slow, I’m weak, I’m lazy, I’m stupid, I’m schizophrenic, I’m just not meant for this world. FML and then I no longer believe suicide is the answer. But it’s so tempting. I’m also having nightmares lately about demons. Idk what it means. I also have weird dreams about being experimented on and electrocuted. It’s all just so crazy. I miss being normal. I miss being smart. I miss being depressed but high functioning. Now I’m just a leech to society. My roommate still hasn’t payed me ANYTHING but he went to Colorado on plane to fuck his girlfriend. He doesn’t even pay insurance on the car he hasn’t posted me for yet I’m saved he’s going to get in a crash and I’ll have to sue him for the damages. I’m so tired. I’m so sad. I’m so dumb. Why did god make me

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