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Just drifting by until i’m not. This was only temporary.

by Her0Reb313

I never really planned to stick around the forum for too long.  I understand the concept of this site and I can appreciate that there is a small community here that actually look out for one another, critique one another, and express themselves.  Although in my short time here i’ve noticed some people with dual accounts.  That kind of thing is suspect to me and I think people should be aware of possible manipulative behaviors.

I really do want people here to be “okay”.  I’ve grown fond of some posters on here because I think some of you are quite genuine people.

It’s just not really in my nature to create a character of myself.  To me, I feel like if I establish myself in one place too long i’m creating this character that people expect of me.  And if someday my opinion changes people are shattered because of that change.

Truth be told, i’m constantly adapting to the situation, to whatever relationships I have in my life.  I am never the same.  In essence, I am always me,. but I am almost never me.  I grow not with the years, but with the seasons..

Anymore I am just used to losing people.  I’ve shoveled more dirt in my life I ever imagined.  It’s forced me to grow.  I’m not bitter.  I just have this silent overwhelming feeling that I can’t shake.    Heartbrake isn’t the ultimate hurt.  It’s burying people you love but never having the chance to tell them how much they meant to you, how much you looked up to them, and not being able to say goodbye.

Heartbreak sucks too.  That feeling also last years.  I won’t take anything away from that..  I have my own history in that department.

I loved knowing the people that I have/ had.., but anything and everything is only temporary.  It’s not about holding onto something we love but acknowledging the lesson behind that which we LOVE.  The hardest part is accepting that it’s gone.  And that someday either that strong emotion will burn out or fade away.

If it were up to me.. I would wish that Everyone have everything that they’ve ever wanted.  That they experience everlasting happiness. I would give my own life and afterlife to ensure that anyone else could have all of that.

But that’s not how it works.., and we all need to find our own way.

I believe in this small close knit community.  There are good people here who will reach out to you in spite of their own personal struggles.

October 31st.  Until then I have a few more posts in me.

(Ever feel like you’re just waiting for that,

“Wake up, Neo?”)

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2 comments

Abnormal.Thoughts 10/12/2020 - 9:11 am

You are always very insightful and encouraging in your comments and it’s good to have you here. The community seems to be a little more active these last few weeks too.
Being a suicide forum but also reading the context of this goodbye I am confused as to whether this is a goodbye because you are just dripping off this site after the 31st or a goodbye to the world. I’m hoping it’s the former.

Yoges 10/12/2020 - 2:02 pm

I too hope you mean to make a new beginning. If so, all the best for your life ahead and may you never have a personal reason to come here.

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